


City of Sorrow

by 37054ljH



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anti-Hero, Anya sings and dances, Assassin Original Character, Blood and Gore, Brother-Sister Relationships, Chapters are not in order, Child Neglect, Clary's Twin Sister, Death, Depression, F/M, Female Anti-Hero, Graphic Description of Corpses, Implied Sexual Content, Implied pedophilia, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jonathan/Sebestian is more of an anti-villain in here, Marriage, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, One-Shot Series, Reincarnation, Resurrection, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Violence, Would be a slow burn if written into an actual series, unhealthy codependency
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2020-07-20 06:11:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 29
Words: 33,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19987420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/37054ljH/pseuds/37054ljH
Summary: Ariana Fray. The White Current. The Princess of the Night. The Bloody Rose. The Moon Wraith.She is known throughout the hidden world as the most dangerous Shadowhunter, a fallen angel amongst her own kind who is so alluring, but who could be the death of a person if they look at her the wrong way.She is the one many fear but find beautiful, the one who is associated with the most dangerous people, the one who could be considered a demon in human skin by those around her, and the one who is a daughter of Valentine Morgenstern.But many do not know of the secrets she keeps under tight wraps, of the secrets that made her into who she is, the secrets that torment her, and the secrets that hide the true broken soul within.The real Ariana Fray, the real Ariana Morgenstern, the true tragic soul.





	1. The Reincarnation

**Author's Note:**

> "Death is not the greatest loss of life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."  
> \--Norman Cousins

Luke Garroway always considered himself a loving and patient man, especially a man who wanted to keep his real identity a secret from his daughter-figure, Clarissa Fray: the fact that he was more than human and the leader of a werewolf pack. However, upon meeting the woman he loved again, he never expected this, or rather...her.

Ariana, Jocelyn's older daughter and Clarissa's twin sister.

Anya (her name for short) proved to be a very strange child, with her near-striking resemblance to her father, Valentine, except with her hair possessing red streaks, the hair itself (which she usually keeps in a braid) reaching her tailbone, and her beautiful yet dead-looking ocean blue and green-hued eyes. Though, it was her personality that always caught Luke off guard.

She acted like she had seen the horrors of war, and the evidence was clear in her eyes every time Luke looked at her. However, always, as soon as she saw him, Anya's eyes would fill with disgust and would avoid him whenever she could.

Luke didn't understand that. At all. What did he do for the child to look at him that way?

To make things stranger, the girl acted the same way to Jocelyn and Clary, for reason neither of them could understand. Of course, Jocelyn had shamefully admitted to ignoring Anya when the girl was still a baby, though she still fed her and changed her diapers, because of her resemblance to Valentine. However, the way Anya looked at her mother was always one of pure disgust, like she hated sharing the same blood as the woman who birthed her.

And whenever Luke tried to talk to her, the younger girl would never answer his questions, and always politely ask him to leave her alone.

However, that didn't mean she didn't talk to him, but she only did when necessary.

As she and Clary grew up, Luke was aware that Anya was a very feared child, because when she protected herself from some bullies, she possessed very deadly and graceful martial art skills that allowed her to take down said bullies without breaking a sweat, something no normal child possessed. It was then that Luke knew the child was more intelligent, strong, and cunning then Jocelyn made her out.

This continued on as Anya and Clary became teenagers. Luke started noticing that Anya would develop more muscle every time he saw her, and she had this graceful walk, like that of a swan-like fighter. One night, he realized the reason why.

Anya had proceeded into her blood right career of the Shadowhunter.

He had heard of this from his pack members, who always looked at Anya with a look of admiration every time she would attend their parties. Unlike normal Shadowhunters, Anya never thought of the Downworlders as the "lower-rank" and treated them like equals. She also had a beautiful singing voice, one that always held this sorrowful tone to it. It was always enough to make Luke wonder what really lay beyond that cold exterior. However, she was mostly famous for how skilled she was in her career and, because of the extra amount of angel blood, she created her own runes, something Luke never thought possible.

She had created elemental bending runes, immunity runes (like for the hot and cold), the underwater rune (where you could breathe underwater), etc. 

When Luke saw her in combat, he was speechless, having never seen that much agility, that much good-timing, and that much speed before. Anya truly looked like she had been doing this since she was born!

Of course, to Luke's dismay, he didn't know her at all, as she always pushed him away.

"You only need to know that we are not enemies, nor are we friends, Lucian Graymark," Anya told him before she left a party one night. Luke had been too shocked that she knew his real name at the time to go after her as she walked away to dance with a werewolf who had asked her to dance with him earlier.

This left Luke with one last question.

Who was Ariana Fray? Really?

If only he knew the reason for her knowledge, her maturity, and her skills. 

For you see, Anya is the reincarnation of an assassin named Valkyrie, and she was going to live, or lose her life doing so. 

Just for _him_.


	2. In Love With Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Life asked death, "Why do people love me and hate you?" Death responded, "Because you are a beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth.""  
> \--Unknown

The first thing Jace Wayland felt when first meeting Ariana Fray was that she felt so cold.

Her eyes, when they came in contact with his golden ones, pierced through him like she knew every little detail about him, and that was enough to make him uncomfortable. However, those blue and green orbs also showed battlefields that contained the bodies of innocents and enemies on both warring sides, and also bloodshed, most of which was caused by her. 

It should've been enough to keep him away from her, but instead, Jace felt drawn to the mysterious Anya.

To him, she was the definition of alluring, and her calm, yet dangerous personality always made him swoon in the most random of times. However, that didn't mean she didn't make him speechless from time to time.

Especially when he learned how much she didn't care for her mother, who had been kidnapped by Valentine Morgenstern, or her twin sister, Clary, who possessed none of the talents Anya had. That had been pretty obvious when Jace, Isabelle, and even Alec heard the two girls arguing heatedly (well Clary was the one shouting, while Anya was calmly being brutally honest) one time.

"Why are you like this?!" Clary had yelled, her face matching her hair. "Do we really mean _nothing_ to you?"

"Yes, you don't," Anya had answered without any hesitation. "Your mother is nothing but a coward who has others fight her battles for her, and you're no different from her."

"Mom's not--"

"Not what? Open your eyes Clarissa; have you not seen the way she's kept everything from you? How she refuses to talk about the scars or her family?" Anya's eyes took on a look of disgust. "Most of all, she has no right to call herself a mother."

"What are you talking about?"

Anya glared at Clary with so much venom Clary seemed ready to burst. "You'll find out soon enough Clarissa. Until then, be more considerate than you are now."

As Anya proceeded to walk away, Clary called after her twin. "Why do you hate us so much? What did Mom and I ever do to you?!"

Slowly, Anya turned back around, her eyes narrowed, like she was wondering if Clary was stupid. "Your mother has neglected me all my life just because of my resemblance to Father, though I couldn't care less about that. The reason's quite simple: I refuse to be close to a woman who caused this mess, who can't tell the difference between a monster and a broken human, and you...have you truly been that blind Clarissa?

"You really are nothing but an attention-seeking harlot."

What had made Jace cringe though hadn't been Clary's raised voice, but when Anya called her own sister a whore.

He would later learn that she was right.

As the days passed, Jace had been surprised yet again by how much knowledge she had of the hidden world, and how skilled she is with her Shadowhunting career.

Goddamn she looked so hot.

Anya was more agile, fast, and strong than the normal Shadowhunter, and her invented runes made her so much more beautiful to the eyes. Jace hated to admit it though, but he thought she looked beautiful dirty or clean. 

He didn't understand at first why he had these feelings for someone like Anya, as she often did things that Jace didn't always approve of.

Like that one time when she harmed a fellow Shadowhunter to the point of almost crippling her because of how the latter tried to attack the former. She also was pretty fucking cruel to her enemies, as, during interrogations, she would inflict so much harm upon them, physically or psychologically, that they would beg to die. Of course, after getting what she needed, Anya would kill them right there on the spot.

She really was anything but a hero...

but that didn't diminish the feelings Jace felt for her.

At first Jace couldn't believe himself, but when he heard Anya's beautiful but bittersweet singing voice, her happiness at being with nature, and how friendly she is with every being, he knew by then.

He was in love with Ariana Fray, the infamous White Current, and the daughter of Valentine, the last person he thought he would love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The White Current.
> 
> She is untamed and powerful,
> 
> like the pounding rapids.
> 
> Deadly and alluring,
> 
> like the thorn on the rose.
> 
> She is death and destruction.
> 
> \--Poem of the "White Current".


	3. The Eyes of a Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls."  
> \--Edgar Allan Poe

The first time Alexander Lightwood met Ariana Fray, she terrified him.

And it was mostly because of her ability to open up reality right before him.

When Jace started seeking her attention more than he did with his own family, Alec had never felt so betrayed and jealous in his life. What caused Jace to change? He never did this before!

So that lead the black-haired boy to "confront" Anya, but this confrontation turned in Anya's favor and not his.

Why did that happen?

Because Anya calmly told him who he really should blame for the feelings he's having.

"I understand that you are angry Alexander Lightwood, for if I was in your shoes, I would as well, but if you want someone to blame, blame your dear parabatai," she told him.

Alec snapped his head up at that. "Why?" he had asked her.

"Have you not seen it? I wasn't the one stopping whatever relationship you had or wished to have with Jace Wayland, but it was Jace Wayland himself who insisted in going along with what you thought he would never do. In the end, you have no one to blame but Jace himself."

Alec was on his knees at that point, knowing Anya was right one hundred percent. Now that he thought about it, he truly had no one to blame but Jace himself. His own parabatai.

"One more thing." Anya's voice returned Alec's attention to her. "The next time this happens, be sure to analyze the situation on both sides. While I may have also been the cause of this, I didn't want this to happen, and do not blame me for something I have no complete fault in, do you understand?"

She didn't wait for his response, and walked away.

Since that day, Alec knew there was more to Anya than met the eye. Sometimes he saw the reason his parabatai was so attracted to her.

She really wasn't like any of the girls Alec met in his entire life; not like his sister, Isabelle, not like his mother, Maryse, no one. Not to mention she took her career as a Shadowhunter up to eleven.

He remembered being speechless when he saw how skilled she was with multiple weapons and how fast and flexible her body was. She also took his breath away when she barely dodged a demon's claw with ease, like she had been doing that since the day she was able to walk.

Who the hell trained her, or did she teach herself?

However, there were also times when Alec doubted Anya's humanity.

Those were when she would be so cruel to others Alec always had to look away, afraid of watching in fear he would lose his very soul. He also was deeply afraid for those who would meet Anya's wrath and her ruthless way of getting rid of enemies.

It was always during those times when Alec would stay as far away from Anya as he could, for he was terrified of the look in her eyes.

They were filled with so much darkness, so sinister, apathetic, and so...evil, that it made Alec wonder how she was even a Shadowhunter. A human being.

They were the eyes of a monster, eyes Alec had never seen before, and wished he hadn't.

But even still, he couldn't help but see that it wasn't the real Anya behind that horrible look.

She was trapped, and even she couldn't get rid of that monster that was her.

He knew he needed to know the real her better, before it ended up destroying the both of them.

Alec didn't know how much he was going to get his way, until he found himself always taken aback by what Anya Fray was capable of.


	4. Shame of a Coward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Cowards always avoid the difficulty while the brave are always looking for an opportunity in a difficult situation."  
> \--Gunz

Every time Jocelyn Fray looked at her oldest daughter, she would never feel so afraid (or ashamed of herself) in her entire life.

When she gave birth to her twins, Jocelyn couldn't have been anymore happy, until she saw the appearance of her oldest daughter. While she had red streaks in her hair, her blonde hair was so pale it almost looked white, and her eyes...her...eyes...

...they weren't that of an innocent baby, but that of a killer.

Jocelyn remembered feeling so shocked she almost dropped the twin infants. After that, she couldn't bare to look at Anya, even after she began screaming, something she never did when she was born, after hearing her and her sister's names. Even today Jocelyn couldn't determine what caused Anya to scream like that; so full of despair and betrayal.

It was the most horrible scream she had ever heard. It had also traumatized the poor nurse who helped deliver Anya and Clarissa.

Then, Jocelyn began to ignore Anya, except when she needed a diaper change or food. Anya was so quiet Jocelyn didn't think she was a child at all. She reminded her too much of...of him.

Jonathan. Her son.

No, he wasn't her son, that _thing_ wasn't her son. Valentine made sure of that when he made her drink the blood of a demon when she was pregnant with him. After escaping him, Jocelyn hoped she could prevent her twins from becoming like their "late" older brother, but it seemed a false hope for Anya.

Soon, it became apparent in Jocelyn's eyes that the Anya didn't care for her.

At first, Jocelyn didn't see it as she was caring for the child she always had wanted, Clary, but then, as both Anya and Clary got older, she realized how terrible of a mother she had been to her oldest daughter. She had even ignored Luke's warnings to not leave Anya out, and now, thanks to her stupidity, her family had a high possibility of falling apart because of her.

However, Jocelyn tried to make up to her estranged daughter, but the look in Anya's eyes made Jocelyn recoil.

They were filled with disgust, and it was directed right at Jocelyn. There was also the hint of indifference that was pure and direct, and Jocelyn had never felt more hurt in her life.

Except when Anya screamed at her after Jonathan died.

"Don't touch him!!" she screamed, swiping her nails at Jocelyn when the older woman tried to touch her dead son, the son that never had a chance to live. Jocelyn had flinched, shocked at her daughter's outburst, but Anya wasn't done. Oh no, she was just getting started.

"You have no right to touch him, you monster! You've never had the right to touch him, not since you've disowned him as soon as he was born and you abandoned him! No mother would do that to her child, no matter what! You're no mother Jocelyn Fairchild, you're a _**disgrace**_!!"

"A-Anya..."

"SHUT UP!!!!" Anya screeched, her face now a river of tears as she glared murderously at her mother, drawing Jonathan's head closer to her chest, like she was trying to protect him from Jocelyn. Jocelyn felt her heart take a hard blow, one that had no parallel, at this sight. No sword, no punch, and no other weapon could cause the pain Anya's words were creating.

"You're just like them, the demons in human skin," Anya accused. "You're a disgrace to your family name, to all mothers everywhere. You're no better than what you accused Father of being! I can't believe I have to share the same blood as a cowardly whore like you!! Why didn't you just kill yourself long ago?! Would've saved us a lot of heartaches!"

"Anya, stop this--" Luke tried to take control of the situation, but Anya interrupted, her bloodthirsty gaze now switching to him.

"And _you_ ," she growled, like a demon ready to unleash hell on earth, "none of this would've happened if you _loved_ Jonathan as a _person_ and ignored what he had and didn't have! Why did you have to encourage Jocelyn's cowardice Lucian? I can't believe this! Why Amatis had a brother like you I'll never understand!"

That remark clearly hit home with Luke, because now his eyes were yellow with rage. "Anya--"

"You make me sick!" Anya shouted, unaffected by Luke's change in emotion. "I wish that I could cut myself open and bleed until I have no more blood that belongs to that fucking whore! Why did I have to share it with her?! Why can't she just fucking die and cease to exist? Jonathan never deserved this!" By now, Anya was sobbing and hugging her brother closer to her body. "Why...? Why did he have to suffer like this? He...he was supposed to be loved and free...not confined and treated like a savage animal...why..."

Now, Anya began to sob over Jonathan's body, no longer caring about the people she accused, and Jocelyn watched with blurry, burning eyes as Jace approached her silently, gently wrapping her up in his embrace. At first she resisted him, but she gave up and continued to cry her eyes out, allowing her lover to comfort her, and not once did she release Jonathan's body.

She loved her brother that much, so much so than her own mother and twin sister, the latter who Anya saw as nothing more than a future prostitute. Jocelyn had been blind all these years, for she never noticed Anya leaving for the place Valentine and Jonathan were residing so she could spend time with her brother. That's why Jonathan was able to die with a smile on his face; because whether he was Sebastian or Jonathan, Anya loved him for who he was, and she still would even when he was gone.

Jocelyn realized after that that Anya was right; she was no mother, she was a monster.

She failed her children as soon as she married Valentine and gave birth to Jonathan. She was a disgrace to her family's name, and her family was probably rolling in their graves because of her.

Jocelyn didn't deserve Jonathan's, Anya's, or even Clary's forgiveness. Not now, and not ever.


	5. Strength to Protect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If they stand behind you, protect them. If they stand beside you, respect them. If they stand against you, defeat them."  
> \--Unknown

Clary Fray didn't understand her sister, and she never did from the very beginning. Anya made that too easy.

Ever since Clary was old enough to process what was happening, she really loved her twin and wanted to be her friend, but Anya always pushed her away, and as the years passed Clary stopped trying altogether. Especially when her sister would avoid her like she was the plague.

The fact that she was doing that always sent a choking lump in her throat when she was a child, and Clary couldn't understand why Anya was doing this to her, to their mother, or anyone who was friends with Jocelyn and Clary, like Luke and Simon. Speaking of Luke and Simon, they also didn't understand why Anya avoided contact with them unless necessary, but Luke seemed more like an acquaintance to her for something.

Before she discovered she was a Shadowhunter and Anya had been following that path for years, Clary accepted that Anya wasn't going to speak with her on friendly terms, which would normally end in arguments that Anya would always win, but that changed horrendously when the Shadowhunters of New York City came into her life.

Clary remembered being so shocked she was out of reality for hours when she realized that Anya already knew about the Shadowhunters and was the best of the best. It should've been impossible, but Clary suddenly found herself feeling...jealous.

Jealous that her sister knew everything about this life and she didn't, that she was both admired and feared by Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike, and especially jealous that Jace Wayland, the guy she felt was supposed to love her, began to develop eyes for Anya. However, it was also where Clary learned how much her sister didn't care for her, or their mother.

When Anya called her a whore, Clary swore her heart stopped. To hear that from her own sister was like a punch to the gut, and Clary wanted to stay as far away from her twin as she could. This new development didn't deter Anya however, who continued on with her life like nothing had happened between them.

How could Jace love a beast like Anya?

Clary got her answer at Idris; Her father, Valentine, had been about to summon the angel Raziel in order to create a new race of Shadowhunters, when Anya suddenly came and challenged Valentine to a fight. Clary had been paralyzed from Valentine's spell so she could only watch with her eyes as Anya and Valentine went one on one with each other, which should've been impossible because many Shadowhunters would be down after ten minutes of sparring with Anya.

Valentine wasn't one of those Shadowhunters however.

"Fighting your own father Ariana?" Valentine asked mockingly as his blade clashed with Anya's. "What do you possibly hope to gain from this?"

"You may be my father by blood, but I refuse to let you change the lives of the people I care for!" Anya replied, somehow keeping her cool as father and daughter's swords continued to clash. 

But then, Valentine got the upper hand, distracting Anya long enough to teleport to her and impale her on his blade.

Clary watched with wide eyes, unable to scream as Anya's braid was cut loose from the bloodied blade and when her sister's face filled with pain and shock. It was impossible...Anya was unbeatable...how could she have lost?

Clary almost didn't hear him, but she did.

"ANYA!!" It was Jace, having just witnessed Valentine mortally wound the girl he loved. Valentine turned his head to him, soon throwing Anya to a nearby tree, his sword still in her abdomen. Blood began to pool around Anya as she twitched, straining to look for Valentine it seemed.

Valentine and Jace were now going at it, the latter blinded by rage, and Valentine once again having the upper hand. Clary could do nothing as the two went at it, and Jace was losing. However, when Valentine was about to kill Jace, he yelled out in pain.

A blade was protruding out of his chest, the same blade Valentine used on Anya. Glancing Anya's way, Clary realized that Anya had pulled the sword out of her abdomen and threw it at her father. In response to this, Valentine caught Jace's seraph blade with his hand and threw the younger boy to Anya, with Jace landing next to her.

Clary then watched with a broken heart as Jace brought Anya into his chest, no longer caring about the object of his rage as his arms wrapped tightly around her. Anya meanwhile was clearly delirious from death taking its toll, as she didn't seem to register that Jace was holding her and calling her name. Using the last of her strength, she reached a hand up for the moon above them. Then, her hand went limp, and her body soon followed.

The next few minutes passed by in a blur; Jace screaming for Anya to open her eyes, and Raziel soon finishing what Anya had started when Clary upset the balance. However, Clary didn't expect Raziel to ask her what she wanted, but the look in Jace's eyes when he looked at her told her what she had to do.

She asked Raziel to bring Anya back to life.

And he did. Then Clary had to watch as Jace cried into Anya's shoulder, the latter not pulling away from him, but instead allowing him to embrace her the way he did, both him and Clary being oblivious to what they had just done.

However, now it was there where Clary realized what she was missing that Anya had.

She didn't have the strength to die in order to protect the ones she loved, and be willing to do it.


	6. More Than Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "A person that truly loves you will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation is."  
> \--Unknown

Anya.

His dear, dear sister.

The only one who cared for him.

Jonathan Morgenstern always treasured the moments he shared with his younger sister when she would visit him when they were younger. He always looked forward to seeing her when their father was being cruel that day. He always loved how his sister gazed at him with genuine and caring love, and even protected him as best she could from their father.

So strange, that he was supposed to be the one protecting her.

However, both of their parents made sure he was anything but.

True, while Jonathan possessed demon blood in his veins and would eventually become the creator of the Endarkened, he didn't choose to have that blood. Besides, Valentine wanted a monster, so he got one.

Anya was the only person who saw past that blood and darkness.

One person, yet able to make so much difference.

When Jonathan first met her, he thought she was beautiful, with her long, flowing blonde and red-streaked hair, blue and green hued eyes, and glowing white skin. She was his angel, the only light in his darkness.

He soon found himself loving Anya more than a sister.

Of course, she didn't return those feelings, and although it hurt, her sisterly love for him was more than enough, even if she allowed him to kiss her and to hold her while they both slept. Not once did she push him away. She was completely at ease around him.

How ironic, that he was the demon who could be as gentle as an angel, and she was the same.

He already knew of her darkest secrets, and took them with him to his grave.

Oh Anya...his sweet, sweet sister. Jonathan hated seeing her cry, but just knowing he was the cause of those tears gave him bliss. It also enabled him to die peacefully in his sister's arms, her arms wrapped tightly around him as she mourned what she had done.

"Don't cry...oh sister of mine," he rasped as the demon blood left him and left what he was supposed to be: the real Jonathan Morgenstern, the son of Valentine and Jocelyn Morgenstern and brother to Ariana and Clarissa. He weakly reached up to gently swipe away the tears. "Tears don't suit you."

"B-But..."

He smiled lovingly at her. "Thank you...for everything...and I'm sorry...for causing you so much pain."

"Don't be!" Anya cried, tightening her hold on her brother. "I should be sorry; I wasn't always there for you when you needed me! I'm a horrible sister, and I couldn't stop this!"

"No...it's their fault," Jonathan told her with a weak smile. His time was almost up, and he knew it. "Just...thank you for being my loving sister. For everything. I'm the one...who should be sorry. I was a horrible brother, and you gave everything you could to me. Please forgive...this fool of a brother."

"I don't want you to die!" Anya sobbed, so unlike her. "Who's going to tease me over my hair and eyes? Who's going to hug me while he sleeps like a baby? Who's going to be waiting for me to visit? Please...don't."

Sadly, he would create more tears, because he died right there and then, but with a smile on his face. 

His sister's love was...more than enough for him to pass on in peace.


	7. Strange, Strange Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "People die, beauty fades, love changes, and you will always be alone."  
> \--L.J. Smith

There was simply no other way Magnus Bane could describe Ariana Morgenstern.

She was strange; a mysterious child who clearly possessed the mind of a woman who had seen the cruelty of the real world. How, Magnus couldn't even figure it out for himself at first.

The first time he met the child, she had been a toddler, and her mother, Jocelyn, had brought her and her twin sister, Clarissa, to have their memories of their Shadowhunter heritage erased. Clarissa hadn't been a problem in that portion, but her sister?

She swiped at him, hitting a pressure point in his wrist. Shocked, Magnus didn't register that his hand wouldn't obey to his commands until he tried to move it. Clearly the child knew exactly where to hit, and she glared up at him with murderous eyes, eyes that should never be on a child, daring him to try that again.

Ariana knew exactly what he was trying to do to her, and she refused to let him proceed.

So, in order to make sure he didn't lose feeling in his other hand and possibly provoke the wrath of the child, Magnus informed Jocelyn that he would be unable to seal away Ariana's memories.

Of course, Jocelyn was upset, and Magnus didn't know if it was his imagination or not, but did Ariana's eyes hold triumph?

After that, as she grew up, Magnus never heard from her again until she was about twelve, where he wasn't surprised to see that she had taken on the career of a Shadowhunter. However, what _did_ surprise the warlock was her fighting style and how, with no one to train her, she became the most respected and feared Shadowhunter of them all, earning many names in her wake.

From the Shadowhunters that heard of her but have never seen her face-to-face, she was known as the "White Current", often because she is seen wearing white, the color of funerals in Shadowhunter culture.

From vampires and warlocks like Magnus himself, she was the "Princess of the Night", for she hunts for demons only at night and, when seen, looks to be the ruler of that time of day.

From the fae, she was the "Bloody Rose" because of her interrogation methods, but there was a different reason why they called her that. Magnus remembered seeing with one of the fae a bloodstained Anya, covered from head to toe with the red life-source. To the fae, she was still so beautiful but deadly, just like a rose.

And finally, from the Moon's children, she was the "Moon Wraith", for how she appeared to be a Lunar goddess whenever seen.

Personally, Magnus calls her Medusa or even comments of how she's a little goddess of death. Though, she seemed to enjoy driving him crazy, as every fucking time he would invite her to one of his parties or otherwise, she would somehow get into his home without him detecting her.

He didn't know if it was from her runes or her stealth, but all Magnus knows is that he's going to lose his sanity if she keeps doing that.

"Can't you ever use the front door Ariana?" Magnus asked with a deadpan when he spotted Anya in one of his chairs.

"I believe it's just a force of habit Magnus," Anya answered back calmly as she worked on inventing a new rune.

Do you wish to know how Magnus and Anya seemed to become acquaintances ever since the latter first became a Shadowhunter? Well, it didn't start the way Magnus hoped, or thought it would for that matter.

While taking a stroll through the park, Magnus spotted Anya, running like her life depended on it. She appeared to be chasing something, her normally stone-cold eyes filled with despair and desperation, and her feet going so fast they were a blur. Magnus watched as she tripped, and, not bothering to get back up, began to beg.

"W-Wait...please, please come back! Please! D-Don't leave me here..." That was the very first time Magnus ever heard a brokenness to the voice of someone like Anya.

Finally, she noticed she had company, and stared at Magnus, not even bothering to cover up the emotion he thought she would try to hide: self-hate. He realized then that he needed an explanation, and he needed one _now_!

So, Anya allowed him to scan her memories, and what Magnus saw would literally give him nightmares for weeks on end, but he found out what he needed to know.

Anya was a reincarnation with memories of her past life; an autistic assassin named Valkyrie who stared off as a feral child, but then accidentally killed someone who was trying to help her. Terrified, she ran for her life, and came across an assassin's guild, that took her in and forced her to perform in sexual acts with men older than her, and then forced her to speak else she would be whipped mercilessly.

The assassins would name her Valkyrie, as she had no name when she was abandoned by her parents. They also would train her on how to use multiple weapons, how to speak different languages, to conceal her emotions, and how to use anything near her advantage. However, one certain memory struck Magnus.

Valkyrie had fallen in love with a fellow assassin, one who didn't always follow the rules. He was a tall boy with freckles, ginger hair, and brown eyes. He was also pretty nerdy, but it made Valkyrie want to protect him, and protect him she did, especially from those who hurt him in any way. Magnus had to conceal a laugh when he saw what Valkyrie looked like when she was jealous.

However, those happy memories didn't last long, especially when he would come close to witnessing Valkyrie and her lover first making love, and a fact Valkyrie didn't acknowledge before her untimely demise: her pregnancy.

Even today Magnus couldn't bring himself to tell Anya, because that would only worsen her self-hate and self-blame even more.

Valkyrie's lover met a horrible fate; when the guild was attacked by a fellow assassin's guild, bringing their demonic guard dogs with them, the boy was trying to protect himself to no avail, and the guard dog took him in its mouth and bit down, tearing off his lower torso. Of course, Valkyrie saw the whole thing, and her eyes were impossibly wide with unspeakable terror and disbelief.

However, before the life left him, her lover turned to her. "P-Promise me something...Valkyrie..." he wheezed, barely loud enough for Valkyrie to hear him. "P-P-Promise me...promise that you'll live, that you'll survive until you can no longer stand. Say you will live for me!"

Tears were filling Valkyrie's eyes, and she watched in horror as her lover finally died in that beast's mouth, his upper torso finally being devoured by it.

Oh god...the screams Valkyrie had unleashed, the combination of an animal howling in pain and a human screaming in the same turmoil...it haunted the warlock for weeks on end. Even today he still finds himself shaking in both horror and anguish from that.

Then, it wasn't too long before Valkyrie met just a matching fate. Of course, she was no longer paying attention to reality when the enemy troops began to drag her to a her guild's torture chamber. Then, they started to slowly lead her to her end. They stabbed her repeatedly, many times in the same places, twisted her limbs until they tore, and even plucked out an eye, but not once did Valkyrie scream to the physical pain.

She was already too long gone to feel any of that. Her lover's death made sure of it.

Finally, the assassins inflicting the atrocities upon Valkyrie turned to a bigger man, presumably their leader, and one of them asked, "What should we do with her boss?"

"Leave her be for now," the man answered. "She'll be dead soon anyway."

Then they left her alone, and Valkyrie began to sob to the pain that didn't compare with the wounds her body had just received. Magnus had to watch with a wince when Valkyrie began to choke repeatably, "Why...why...why..."

He knew if he didn't do something, those people will come back and make her death much slower.

So, Magnus approached her and placed a hand around her neck, saying, "Please forgive me" before he clenched his fist, the bones of her neck snapping in response. Then Valkyrie's life ended quickly and painlessly, her eyes slowly closing as her final labored breath flew past her lips.

Magnus was glad he was the one who put Valkyrie out of her misery, because the men returned and had dragged her corpse out to a mass grave, where so many assassins of Valkyrie's guild were still alive. Magnus couldn't bare to watch what would happen to those people, so he cut off the memory link, staggering back until he tripped and sat across from Anya.

Anya, Valkyrie's reincarnation.

"Get it now?" she asked, her voice thick with agony as tears finally cascaded down her cheeks. "It's all my fault that he's dead. I just stood there like a deer in headlights...I should've done something! I don't deserve his forgiveness, and I couldn't keep up with his promise. But no longer; now I'm going to do that for him, even if I have to die trying. 

"Don't get in my Magnus, for I'll be more than happy to cut you down over and over again if I must. That means if you tell anyone about this, I'll make your life the definition of hell. Good day!" Then, Anya spun around and ran off, clearly sobbing, leaving Magnus to watch her go in sympathy.

He didn't keep the promise just to save himself a possible many years of pain, but to help Anya in any way he could. However, he wouldn't be able to keep that promise forever.

Especially when Shadowhunters in New York are involved.


	8. Caring for the Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Only in the darkness can you see the stars."  
> \--Martin Luther King Jr.

If there was one thing Isabelle Lightwood learned the hard way about Anya, it was that she was capable of being ruthless as _fuck_.

The black-haired Shadowhunter had nearly lost her shit when Anya first made herself known to the former and the guys, and Isabelle was also shocked to find out that Anya was the famed White Current, a title which she held true.

This turn of events nearly caused Isabelle to squeal like a crushing schoolgirl.

Now, back to Anya being ruthless, Isabelle and Anya were training with each other one day, and Anya was kicking her ass. She had managed to take hold of Isabelle's whip after dodging it with ease for a while. She then proceeded to throw Isabelle all over the room, and as soon as Isabelle let go, Anya took the whip as her weapon and used it against her.

By the Angel, Isabelle really regretted asking Anya to train with her.

Once Isabelle was unable to defend herself, Anya took out her seraph blade and pointed it directly at Isabelle's chest. "Dead."

That was all she said, and it was enough to get Isabelle to train harder.

It also enabled both girls to become each other's parabatai.

However, just after that ceremony, Isabelle felt the hidden sorrow within Anya, something that shouldn't be there.

It was like a brick was weighing her heart down and even leaving a lump she couldn't swallow in her throat. However, knowing Anya, Isabelle wasn't going to get the truth out of her unless she took excessive measures.

Which lead her to learn the truth from Magnus.

Upon witnessing Anya's memories, Isabelle was ready to throw up. The way she lived, the death of her lover, and her self-hatred tore at Isabelle's heartstrings. How could those monsters be so cruel? Sadly, Isabelle also learned another horrible truth, one that Magnus refused to tell Anya of.

Anya had been pregnant, and that fetus died with her.

However, Anya did find out, and as soon as they returned to the Institute, Isabelle heard the most horrific scream on the other side of Anya's room. They were unable to investigate because of the powerful sealing rune, so they were forced to listen to Anya's screams and wrecking havoc to her room. Isabelle had lost track of time when Anya's screams turned to sobs, then to whimpers, and then dead silence.

She had volunteered to investigate, managing to get past Anya's sealing rune.

By the Angel...Anya's bedroom truly appeared to be a war zone: everything was ripped to pieces; the bed, the mirror, even the walls, and blood was everywhere, from where it dripped from the shattered mirror to the bloody hand-prints on the walls.

The bathroom however remained untouched, which was a good thing, especially when Isabelle found Anya, numb and lifeless, in the bathtub, her hands bloody and full of mirror shards.

"It's all my fault..." Anya groaned numbly after Isabelle healed her hands. "I should've known I was carrying his child, and...and I just...threw that knowledge out the window. The signs were there."

"Anya..." Isabelle began, but Anya continued on like Isabelle wasn't present.

"I was stupid...I broke his promise and I also killed our child! I really deserve to burn in Hell."

Isabelle didn't remember slapping Anya across the face, but she knew she had to get Anya to stop blaming herself.

She looked sternly at Anya, who was stunned from the slap. "Stop it Anya. Have you forgotten how much he loved you? He didn't expect you to just walk away from his death without shedding a tear, and you didn't have time to decipher the fact that you were with child. However, you're making up to him, and that should be all the matters. If you even start blaming yourself again, I will kick your ass."

Anya remained silent, but a ghost of a smile appeared on her face, but only briefly.

Isabelle stayed with Anya for a few days, knowing the latter couldn't be left alone. Though, this helped the girls become closer than ever before, and Anya appeared happy that Isabelle was her parabatai, because according to her, Isabelle was the sister she always wanted.

Isabelle couldn't stop smiling after being told that.


	9. Little Swan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If you find someone you love in your life, hang on to that love."  
> \--Princess Diana

It had been a few weeks since the group got Anya back from Sebastian, and since then Jace had been spending as much time as he could with her. However, ever since saving Anya, things started to get strange around him.

First, in the mornings, Jace's reflection would change to a boy about his height with ginger hair, freckles, and brown eyes. Upon seeing him, Jace jumped away, shocked and confused, especially when the boy copied his movements, but retained his calm and determined stare.

"T-Tristan?" Jace called uncertainly, not believing his eyes.

The past lover of Anya said nothing, but when Jace blinked again, the boy was gone and Jace's own reflection was back.

How the hell was he supposed to tell anyone this without sparking something?

But things got stranger from there. Some days Jace would lose control of his body for a couple of moments and sometimes minutes, and they came during the most random of times. He almost cut himself when he was moving to grab a knife from the cabinet one day.

Of course, this was worrying everyone, he could tell. Anya was also looking at him with wide, disbelieving eyes too. He asked her about it, but she seemed unable to reply, so Isabelle answered for her.

"Your eyes turned brown Jace. Like...a chocolate brown."

Jace didn't know what he was supposed to say to that.

However, the next day, Jace couldn't move. Literally couldn't move. He waited for several moments, but after that among of time he didn't have any control back. Then, his body started moving on its own accord, and he got up from the bed and walked out of the room, heading to Anya's room. 

Jace was cursing his luck right now. He was trapped in his own body, and he couldn't do anything about it again.

Then, he was in front of Anya's room door, which he opened all the way. Anya was awake and in the process of brushing her hair, but then she snapped around when she saw his reflection.

No, not Jace's reflection, but _his_ reflection.

Anya's eyes were filled with shocked-filled hope, which soon disappeared when she saw Jace, but upon looking into his eyes, she appeared confused, as she approached him wearily and cupped his face in her hands.

"Are these contacts Jace?" she asked, reaching for one of his eyes. He didn't see it, but his golden eyes had been replaced with Tristan's brown eyes. Jace's hand shot up and grabbed her wrist, faster than Jace himself could ever hope to accomplish, and he watched as Anya's eyes once more filled with shock.

"You should know that better than anyone Val," Jace found himself saying and smiling slightly.

Anya pulled her hand free. "W-Who are you?"

"You already know who I am little swan." Anya froze, and Jace wondered what was happening. After recovering from her episode of depression, Jace had told her what the gang witnessed in her memories, but it wasn't everything.

When Anya spoke again, her voice shook. "I-It can't be..."

Jace felt himself smiling. "It's been a long time Val. I'm sorry I couldn't come find you after I got this body. I didn't know how to control it at the time."

"W-What?"

"My dear, sweet Val, you know who I am. It's me, Tristan."

Silence reigned, even as tears filled Anya's eyes. There was still disbelief in them, even as the hope overtook it. She started shaking, clearly conflicted and unsure of where to proceed.

"Come on Val, if you need more proof, meet me in the training room," The boy controlling him--Tristan-- walked out of her room, clearly not expecting her to follow him, but the footsteps behind him were enough indication. Clearly the person who was controlling him knew all that Jace knew, and managed to find the training room without a problem.

Heading to the weapons' rack, Jace pulled out a scythe, and despite his body's limits, he was able to lift it like it was nothing. He turned towards Anya, who now brandished her swords. Gone was the scared little girl, and the battle-hardened woman Jace knew and loved took her place.

Then, they went at it.

Jace was shocked that he was keeping up with Anya, and lasted for more than ten minutes. Anya also seemed taken aback, but then that heartbreaking realization came into her eyes, and this allowed the boy controlling Jace's body to knock Anya onto the ground, his legs pinning her arms and legs, and the scythe's blade keeping her where she was. He smiled down at her.

"I win little swan." Then, he kissed her.

Jace expected Anya to pull away, but immediately she started kissing back, the ferocity of it like a person desperate for air. He felt her quietly crying, and he wanted to take her in his arms again and whisper sweet nothings into her ear. The boy controlling him did just that, throwing the weapon away and taking her into his arms.

When they pulled away, Anya's eyes were now spilling tears, and she was biting his lip, trying to keep herself from sobbing. Tristan leaned Jace's head towards her, and they gently collided.

"Sorry I didn't come for you sooner Val," Tristan uttered.

Anya quietly whimpered, clinging to him like he would disappear if she let go. They would stay that way for hours to come.


	10. Beauty and a Tragedy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Life can be magnificent and overwhelming -- that is the whole tragedy. Without beauty, love, or danger it would almost be easy to live."  
> \--Albert Camus

Simon Lewis was a lot of things, but, contrary to what many people thought, blind wasn't one of them. He knew from the moment he met Clary's twin sister, Anya, that she wanted nothing to do with him, but why he couldn't figure out at first.

Well, she was friendly towards him, civil even, but it was clear as day that she wasn't his friend. At first, Simon didn't really pay attention to it and just left things at that, but as they got older he realized strange changes with Anya.

For example, she seemed to be gaining muscle, despite Simon never really seeing her working out, and she seemed to always be on alert, growing more so as they got older. Once, Simon caught her glancing at him, before looking away.

It was like she _wanted_ him to see these changes.

Of course. It was also what helped him understand after he realized why.

She was a Shadowhunter, the most feared and respected one yet. So, it wasn't a complete surprise to Simon that she was a skilled warrior whenever demons, vampires, werewolves, and the fae were concerned.

But hot damn, he never expected Anya to be that badass, but confusing.

He had heard from Clary that her sister was apathetic towards her and Jocelyn, which made no sense to him whatsoever. He knew that Clary and Anya were not close, but this took the cake.

What happened between Clary, Mrs. Fray, and Anya that made the latter slide away from the other two?

After hearing her answer, Simon still couldn't decide whose side to take. It's hard when you're friends with the person whose sister found so many deep faults in, and even still try to see the good in them.

Anya admitted herself that she had more flaws than she could count, and Simon guessed that was why Jace Wayland fell in love with her.

Clary was heartbroken and jealous at this, and this made Simon jealous for a long while, until he found himself falling in love with Isabelle Lightwood. It was the first time that Simon saw Anya smiling at him, and he had been so shocked by that that he had no words.

As far back as he could remember, Anya would never smile at Clary, Mrs. Fray, or even Mr. Garroway like that. What made her do that to him?

Simon soon brushed it off later as Anya caring for Isabelle, her parabatai, but then again she probably found something good in him after all these years.

However, Simon had no idea of how fragile Anya was, not until he saw her past memories.

When he saw what she went through as Valkyrie, Simon had been so tempted to throw up. The things that Valkyrie had gone through would drive any normal person into insanity, and Simon knew he was one of those people. After the memories ended, he and Isabelle never let go of each other until they arrived back at the Institute, where they heard the most horrible screams coming from upstairs.

As the Institute was holy ground, Simon couldn't investigate the cause of those screams, but later Isabelle told him that Anya had found out of the dark secret that Magnus kept from her, and obviously did not take it well. It had been a week after the incident, and Isabelle had showed him a recording of Jace taking Anya to the greenhouse.

Until days ago, Simon never felt more horrible for Anya.

How did he not notice this sooner?

Simon could understand that Anya would be very distrustful of her new family and their friends, but holy shit.

Then, Jace and Anya began to quietly dance among the flowers, with Anya clinging to Jace like he would disappear if she loosened her grip, and Jace treating her gently, like she was a doll that would break at the slightest touch.

At the moment, she was.

"Is it cruel to say that this is both a tragedy and a beauty?" Simon asked Isabelle.

She said nothing for a little while. "I don't think so."

The two of them left it at that afterwards.


	11. Their Fallen Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I am an angel....with black wings, a crooked halo. I've fallen from Heaven and been through Hell."  
> \--Unknown

He found her near the lake in the middle of the city, dressed in white and covered in snow as she rested. Raphael Santiago stared down at the Princess of the Night, watching as her chest rose and fell, her long eyelashes caressed her pale yet pink cheeks, her long braid served as a pillow and was filled with snowflakes, and as her body was almost covered completely with snow.

Truly the Princess of the Night.

As if sensing his presence, Anya opened her eyes, those blue and green-hued orbs that would've been more beautiful had it not been for the darkness that harbored within them. She stared right at the vampire, unsurprised to see him.

"Good evening to you Princess," Raphael greeted with a smile, bowing elegantly to her. "And an honor to see you here."

"Likewise." Anya stood up, getting rid of some of the snow on her person in the process. Thanks to her elemental immunity rune, which Raphael could see on her person, this made her immune to the elements, especially the cold.

And even Raphael had to admit that it made her look beautiful.

"And what were you doing out here in this weather Princess?" Raphael asked, although already knowing the answer. The princess was not exactly someone of conversation, but it was still nice to create one with her, no matter how insignificant.

Anya humored him every time. "I'm am finished with my hunting for the night, so I decided to sleep."

"Oh? You never fail to amaze me Princess." Raphael was being honest right there. "Anyway, do you know why I'm here?"

Anya stared at him, waiting.

"I don't honestly know myself. Maybe I felt some odd need to see you, maybe I just wanted to be out here on this gourgous night, or perhaps for another reason I'm not aware of. Then now that we're here, there's something I'd like to ask you."

Anya had turned away at this point, now holding her seraph blade in one hand. "What could you want from me Raphael?"

"You should know the answer to that question, Princess." Raphael snapped his hand out to grab Anya's shoulder, but she then unsheathed her blade and spun around, aiming it at his neck, but not without Raphael's fingers tugging at the band holding her hair in place. Her hair came lose in a wild, beautiful mess, and Raphael stared with wide eyes into her own, seeing a darkness that would make any man tremble with complete terror.

They were eyes that have seen battles of many kinds, killed and will continue to kill, and who wasn't afraid of ending his own life right here and now.

Now, don't get him wrong, Raphael was unnerved by that look, but he smiled all the same. "I've seen those eyes before," he mused. "Those are the eyes of a monster, a monster in human skin." He chuckled, feeling amused. "You truly are no angel, Ariana Morgenstern."

"Who said I was?" By this time, the princess had removed the blade's tip from Raphael's neck, her eyes now back to the cold and indifferent shade of blue and green.

Raphael chuckled again. "No, of course you're not. You are the Shadowhunter's Fallen Angel after all. You're completely different from your own kind. It's quite ironic don't you think, that their best Shadowhunter doesn't care about them and only cares about living?"

Anya said nothing. Instead, she looked up at the sky and began to walk past Raphael to leave.

"And you should know that this is not the only reason I'm here," Raphael called to her, and he heard her stop. A soft breeze came through, sending her hair flying.

"What could you want from me, Raphael Santiago?" she asked from behind him.

He turned to her, smiling. "You still owe me a dance Princess. And you know, it would be an awful shame if you denied me that dance this night. It is a perfect time to have a dance, don't you think?"

He wasn't lying about that. The night was perfect for a dance, with there being no cloud in the sky, the full moon shining brightly from above, and the snow falling around them. Raphael also had to admire the princess for loving the night as much as they vampires did.

This made Anya turn around. She stared at him for a few moments, before closing her eyes, dropping her seraph blade, and held her hand out, an acceptance and offering. Raphael's smile widened.

He walked over to her, took her hand, and pulled her to him, where she allowed him to spin her around, touch her in places where she wouldn't allow anyone else, and even perform moves that would seem more reserved for fighting.

Anya was an exceptional dancer, dancing gracefully and with a balance that matched Raphael's own, and with her hair and white dress flying about her and her bare feet touching and making their own art on the ground, she was breathtaking. According to her, the last time they danced together, she told Raphael he danced with a strength and grace that would take away any woman who danced with him, and found him a wonderful dance partner.

Raphael was unable to stop smiling after that. He even guessed that was how he was probably the only person to go one on one with her in a fight. If it was, he wasn't surprised.

Raphael dipped Anya to the ground, allowing her hair to gather in the snow and encrust her hair with snowflakes before coming back up. She then proceeded to dance around him, allowing him to lift her into the air, and Raphael watched as she dipped her face towards the sky with her eyes closed, like she was offering herself up to the gods.

They would continue that until the moon started to set, and Raphael and Anya knew they needed to leave. They stepped back from each other, and Raphael bowed to her in thanks for the dance, which Anya returned with an elegant curtsy. She looked up at him when she straightened.

"I will see you soon, Raphael Santiago." She then disappeared without another word, taking her seraph blade with her.

Raphael chuckled under his breath before leaving. "And I look forward to it, Princess of the Night."


	12. Voice of an Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "She's a saint with the lips of a sinner. She's an angel with a devilish kiss."  
> \--Anna

When Maia Roborts first met the Moon Wraith, she was terrified, and rightfully so. The Shadowhunter lived up to all her names perfectly, and she knew no one had been lying when they said that the girl who was not much older than her was the most dangerous and feared Shadowhunter.

However, over time, Maia saw something that completely baffled her, something that was pretty unusual for a Shadowhunter. When Ariana first looked at her, there was no disgust or apprehension present, just a kind of respect and empathy that only someone who had also been abused could have, and the other girl clearly didn't care if anyone was a vampire, Shadowhunter, werewolf, fae, or even mundane.

At first, this confused Maia and even made her distrustful of the Moon Wraith, and even though Anya didn't work to gain her trust or respect, saying she never needed it, Maia realized that, over time, she had been acting pretty foolish.

But when she apologized to Anya, the other girl just brushed her off and said, "There's nothing to apologize for."

This made the werewolf more curious about the Moon Wraith, especially when the latter would come to one of the many parties Downworlders would host, and Maia would try and attend every one, because she found herself enjoying the way Anya would dance to the beat or with a partner, some of whom struggled to match her grace and ferocity.

It was still hard for Maia to believe that Raphael Santiago, the vice leader of the vampire coven, was the only known person would could match Anya, whether in battle or dance.

Those two really looked like they were made for each other, except the pair only saw each other as good friends.

However, the real reason why Maia would try to be in the front seat of every party was because of Anya's singing voice. So beautiful, haunting, and magnetic, even Maia couldn't turn away. The way that the Shadowhunter would wear white, let her long hair run loose, and sing like her life depended on it.

The last part confused Maia greatly, for there was some kind of sorrow and longing in Anya's voice that pierced her heart and she couldn't help but allow a few tears to escape. However, when questioned about it, Anya would go deathly quiet and not say a word, or change the subject altogether.

Maia just guessed at that point that what Anya was hiding was a very sensitive topic for her, so the werewolf never brought it up again. Besides, Maia had a horrible secret of her own, and Anya had respected her privacy, so she didn't have any right to demand anything different.

And then, when the Shadowhunter Jace Wayland came into her life, Maia was instantly distrustful of him, for he looked and acted exactly like her bastard of a brother, and Anya seemed to be irritated with him too. Why, Maia could only guess at first.

However, when the two got into a kind of argument, Maia didn't mean to eavesdrop but couldn't help herself, the words Anya used to counter whatever Jace said made even her wince.

"Tell me, Jace, did that little encounter with Valentine make you lose half of your brain?" Anya asked coldly, her eyes like the coldest glaciers in the Arctic. "If you honestly think it's alright to believe everything that man says and never question him, then I believe I made the wrong decision to give you the right to speak to me."

Maia almost felt terrible for the guy, especially with how broken he sounded after hearing those words.

"Now, do everyone here a favor and get out, and don't come back until you've gotten yourself sorted out. I refuse to baby you. You're an adult, not a child, and I am not your mother, so get out."

"Anya--"

The hiss of a blade cutting through air was heard, and Maia almost squeaked in fear. Anya had unsheathed her seraph blade and placed the tip at Jace's neck, drawing blood. "I won't ask again Wayland." Her eyes were now showing a darkness that made Maia's blood run cold. "Get. Out, or I will send your head back to the Institute, and my sweet sister will be following behind you."

The way she spoke of her sister once more made Maia pity anyone who angered Anya, and she wondered why the other girl never talked about her sister, though she did mention having a sister, a mother, and a brother, but clearly wasn't on good terms with them (well except the brother obviously).

And thankfully for Jace, he didn't put up a fight as he left the building, allowing the werewolf occupants to drink in peace for a time, though Maia did spot the despondent look on the guy's face as he left.

When Anya came back, Maia asked, "Boyfriend?" to which Anya shook her head and said, "Anything but."

Though it wasn't long before disaster struck, and a werewolf cub, Joseph, was murdered. Maia was so shell-shocked that she didn't register the fact that Anya picked up the corpse and gently carried it to the bar, where she gingerly placed it on a table.

And low and behold, Jace had returned and gladly held his tongue as Bat begged Anya to save Joseph, to which she looked at him sadly and said the words that Bat didn't want to hear.

"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for him. He was already long gone before we found him."

The response she got to that was a punch in the wall, but even still Anya didn't attempt to comfort the distraught werewolf, and instead knelt beside the cub's body and started to sing, softly though.

Maia at this point stopped listening to anything else.

_In my hands a legacy of memories_

_I can hear you say my name_

_I can almost see your smile_

_Feel the warmth of your embrace_

_But there is nothing but silence now._

_Around the one I loved_

_Is this our farewell?_

At this point, Bat stopped sobbing and listened to Anya's song, though Maia hadn't been paying attention to anything besides the latter.

_Sweet darling you worry too much_

_My child, see sadness in your eyes_

_You are not alone in life_

_Although you might think that you are_

_Never thought this day would come so soon_

_We had no time to say goodbye_

_How can the world just carry on?_

_I feel so lost when you're not at my side_

_But there is nothing but silence now_

_Around the one I loved_

By now, even Anya looked very sorrowful, and she didn't seem to notice that there were tears of her own streaming down her cheeks, as she just continued to sing.

_So sorry your world is tumbling down_

_I'll watch you through these nights_

_Rest your head and go to sleep_

_Because my child, this is not our farewell_

_This is not our farewell._

And Maia knew at that point, the thing that scarred her, though even today she doesn't know what caused her to come to that realization.

Anya had lost something important, and wanted it back, but knew fully well that her wish would never come true, no matter how much she begged.

And, in the end, they weren't that different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Our Farewell by Within Temptation


	13. A Rose That Drips Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Rose is without an explanation. She blooms because she blooms."  
> \--Angelus Silesius

Beautiful.

Just simply beautiful.

The Seelie Queen watched with a smirk on her face as the Bloody Rose danced before her, the latter's blue and green-hued eyes intense and cold, and she clearly wasn't afraid of ending the Queen's life if she made a wrong move.

Perfect.

The Seelie Queen did not say a word as the Bloody Rose continued dance with a grace, beauty, and seductiveness that every single faerie adored, and the Seelie Queen even noticed how Meliorn watched the girl's every move, like a dying man desperate for air.

She smirked at this. Oh she was going to love tormenting him over this.

The girl was wearing a dress made purely out of soft purple silk, and it was perfect on her form; hugging her curvy figure, flowing with her every move, and even pricking at her skin, drawing blood. The Seelie Queen had ordered her servants to place thorns in the dress to see how the Bloody Rose would react to it, and, to the Queen's satisfaction, the girl wasn't reacting to it, instead allowing the thorns to pierce her arms and legs, but even still she continued to dance.

As her blood finally traced the floor, the Seelie Queen found herself licking her lips, enjoying this show so much. This was the reason why the fae called Ariana Morgenstern the Bloody Rose, for, even when covered in her own blood or the blood of her victims, she was a beauty.

The Queen found herself amusedly comparing a quote that mortals say to this girl. "Beauty is the Beast".

"That's enough," the Queen ordered after a long period of time. At the command, Ariana stopped, staring at her with calm yet cold eyes. "You've done well Ariana Morgenstern, and, I must say, you've almost surprised me."

The girl said nothing.

"Well, you're boring," the Queen pouted, before she smiled once more. "Come, come, sit! You must be tired after dancing for those long hours."

"Just give me the information Seelie Queen," the girl ordered, keeping her cold eyes on her.

The Queen frowned, before she giggled. "Well, since you've given Meliorn and I quite the show, I suppose this is the only way I can repay you. For your question, of course! Your father has been here to see me, searching for the very Mortal Cup that your very kind protected."

"And where is he heading now?"

"I believe you know the answer to that question Ariana," the Queen replied, sickly sweet. "Did you honestly think I didn't know what you were up to? You should know better than anyone that I'm anything but a fool."

"I never said you were a fool Seelie Queen," Ariana answered coolly.

"Then what are you really trying to gain from this?"

Ariana scoffed at this, her own bitter smirk forming. "You may as well take those words back Seelie Queen, for it's obvious that you proving to be the very fool you denied to be."

The Queen just laughed. "Can't ever fool you I see," she pointed out. "But of course, I know exactly who you are and what you're up to Ariana Morgenstern, for I wouldn't be queen if I didn't. And even still, you choose to go through with this procedure than outright demand the answers from me. I admire you Ariana for that, but let me tell you that you don't scare me."

"Am I supposed to Seelie Queen?" Ariana asked, an eyebrow raised.

"I don't know, you tell me."

It was always so much fun to play with the Bloody Rose, the very Shadowhunter that her own kind fears. Quite dramatic as well, for all the Shadowhunters' talk of being descendants of the Angels, especially with their Fallen Angel.

Said girl eyed the Queen for a moment, before she turned away. "If you won't answer my question Seelie Queen, then we have nothing else to talk about." She then began to leave, not caring if she left bloody footprints in her wake.

Meliorn reached for his sword, but the Queen held up a hand, watching calmly as the Bloody Rose finally disappeared from sight, and she had no doubt the girl would be able to find her way back easily.

After all, she was the reincarnation of an assassin called Valkyrie, the Black Aphrodite. 

"Black Aphrodite," the Seelie Queen commented while inspecting her fingernails. "The Bloody Rose. The White Current. The Princess of the Night. The Moon Wraith."

She began to giggle.

"My queen?" Meliorn asked.

"My my Ariana, you truly have the most fitting of nicknames. I wonder what else will come your way, but whatever comes, I can't wait to see what you do."


	14. Angels and Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "She was an angel craving chaos. He was a demon seeking peace."  
> \--Unknown

Valentine Morgenstern had heard of the White Current, in fact his own subordinates spoke her name in awe and fear, but Valentine, having never seen the famed White Current before, didn't think too much of the matter, nor did he believe that the girl was by any means his own flesh and blood or was real.

He was proven wrong on the latter one day, especially when he learned that his estranged wife had twin girls, Ariana and Clarissa, or Anya and Clary as they're mostly called.

Those were not names he would've chosen.

But when Valentine met his daughters face to face, he was disappointed in his youngest daughter, who was clueless and weak, shaking like a leaf in the wind, but her sister was another story.

Beautiful, and yet she clearly was dangerous, unafraid of him or what power he held in his very hands. Valentine remembered smirking at this.

"You are not afraid Ariana?" he remembered asking her with a raised eyebrow.

"Whether or not I am scared of you is of no concern to you Valentine Morgenstern, but the question I have for you is if you're afraid of me," Ariana replied.

Valentine remembered thinking of how perfect this girl was.

And clearly she lived up to her names well, for she fought with a grace, elegance, and sharp edge that not very many Shadowhunters had, and Valentine had been impressed, leaving with the Mortal Cup and vowing that he would meet her again to test her true strength.

Throughout that amount of time, she continued to impress him, and he then ignored his other daughter completely in favor of her. Well, it wasn't like she mattered anyway. Jocelyn had been the one to turn that foolish girl into what she was, and Ariana had clearly not raised by Jocelyn.

Foolish woman. Valentine almost wanted to rub this mistake in her face.

However, when Valentine had been about to summon Raziel, the foolish Ariana challenged him to a duel, and, to his disappointment, she was the one who lost.

So easily distracted was she that he could mortally wound her.

He heard his foster son scream out Ariana's name, having witnessed it all. Foolish boy, now challenging him to a duel when he knew all things were lost.

Now, don't misunderstand him, Valentine loved his children, but he couldn't let them get in his way, not when he was about to accomplish something great that could alter the course of all Shadowhunters. So, just when he was lifting the blade over his head once Jace lay helpless under him, Valentine gasped in pain, feeling something sharp enter his back and escape out of his chest.

It was his blade. The very same one he used on Ariana.

Valentine turned in her direction, finding that his oldest daughter had pulled the blade out of her abdomen and threw it at him, mortally wounding him in turn.

Jace then took that moment to strike at Valentine again, but he had grabbed the seraph blade and, with every bit of strength he had, threw the boy towards Ariana, who had by now went limp, having lost nearly all her strength.

Valentine didn't pay attention to the way Jace wanted to go back after him, but the weakly shaking Ariana stopped him, nor did he see the way the boy took her into his arms, holding her like she was a fragile doll that would break if held the wrong way.

He never noticed the way his foster son tearfully and fearfully called out for the girl, who didn't hear him as she reached a hand to the moon above before finally dying.

Nor did he hear the desperate and fearful cries of that very same foster son as he begged the girl in his arms to return to her senses.

But, even when Valentine summoned Raziel, he had the feeling that he had been doomed to fail.

Turns out he had been right.

That useless youngest daughter of his messed up his spell, and his oldest daughter mortally wounded him, so he couldn't defend himself as the mighty angel ended his life right then and there.

He had failed.

He had failed to achieve his dream to unite the world's of angels and demons.

Where did this all go wrong?


	15. My Hopeless One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "No matter what happens between us, I will always love you with everything I have."  
> \--Unknown

Her eyes were surely wide with shock and confusion, but he paid no attention to them as he hugged her tightly to his chest. He was also aware that his entire form was shaking and he was on the verge of crying, but he held the latter back.

"You are the dumbest person I've ever met you know that?" Jace whispered against Anya's ear, and he felt her shiver as a result, but paid no mind to it. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Anya said nothing.

"Do you even know how much I care about you Anya?" Jace continued to ask, his voice at this point trembling as his fingers weaved through her loose locks. "No, I more than care about you, I _love_ you! And yet you continue to put yourself in harm's way because of that. Do you understand how much pain you're putting us through, putting me through?"

Anya still said nothing.

"Do you even understand how I was feeling when I saw Valentine impale you on his blade?" Jace continued to ask. Now tears were streaming down his cheeks, but he didn't care. "My heart literally stopped when I saw that, and I was so blinded by my rage that it only took me being near you to snap out of it. Then, I had to watch as you died in my arms.

"When you were brought back to life, I swore nothing else in the world could make me happy in that moment, but because of that I never realized what I had done when I made that decision. I did this to you Anya, and I'm taking full responsibility for it."

Anya jerked with a gasp at this.

"Now, I want you to say something Anya," Jace finished. "Do you understand everything I've said to you right now? What effect you've had on us as a whole? Everything?"

He waited silently as Anya mutely nodded against his shoulder. At this point, he pulled away and looked straight into Anya's eyes, those blue and green-hued eyes that he would treasure forever. They were filled with so much shock and confusion that normally Jace wouldn't believe that Anya of all people would be capable of those emotions.

He wasn't that guy anymore.

"Say it Anya. Say that you understood everything I just said," Jace urged, squeezing Anya's shoulders tightly.

Anya opened her mouth, but nothing came out the first time. The second time was the charm though.

"I-I do," she said. "I understand everything perfectly."

"So do you know what I'm going to ask next?" Jace asked.

"That depends."

"Do you love me?"

Anya tensed, her eyes now widening to impossible lengths. She then started to look in various places, trying to come up with a proper answer, before she turned back to Jace.

"I...I..."

"Do you Anya?"

"I..." Anya bit her lip. "I do. Truly I do. God damn it I do." She said all that with anguish, and it clearly pained her to say those words.

"Do you really Anya?" Jace questioned seriously. "Do you love me because of me, or because I'm Tristan's reincarnation?"

Anya attempted to recoil, but Jace's grip on her stopped her. "Answer me Anya," Jace pressed.

"I..." She began to shake uncontrollably, and not even Jace's touch could stop it. "I love Tristan, more than anyone and anything in my life, but...but I...I also love you too, even before I realized you were Tristan's reincarnation. I know he would want me to move on from his death, but it's...it's so fucking hard! He was the only person who tried to get to know me and who loved me as me, Valkyrie!

"Jace, how can I choose between the two of you, one of the only people who really tried to understand me? How can I just choose one of you and leave the other in the dust? How can I do that?" Tears were slipping out of Anya's eyes at this point, and Jace felt her skin heating from under his hands, the Heavenly Fire awakening as a result of her turmoil.

So, he pulled her back to her chest and climbed into the Insititude hospital bed with her, also getting under the covers with her.

He smiled. "You're hopeless, you know that?"

Anya sobbed in answer, and Jace began to play with her hair.

"This is one of the reasons I fell in love with you Anya, for you're so unpredictable that you always manage to sweep me off my feet, something no other girl was able to do. I still loved you even when I thought we were brother and sister, I still loved you even after finding out that wasn't the case, and I will still love you. You have my word about that.

"And you're right. Tristan wants you to move on with your life, and remember him as something great. He'll never blame you for his or his child's death, and you know it. He sees how happy you are with me, and wants you to keep loving me, but we both know that you'll always love him, no matter what. I know you Anya, probably more than you do yourself."

Anya ceased sobbing at this point, and she returned Jace's embrace and began to giggle. "When did you get so good with words?"

Jace playfully pouted at her. "I've always been good with words!"

Anya rolled her eyes. "Sure you have."

However, seeing that, Jace smiled and gently placed his forehead against Anya's. "There she is. The girl I've always wanted to see."

Anya blushed but smiled blissfully nonetheless. And, with that, Jace placed his lips on hers, and she kissed back, the both of them being careful to not reopen the wound on her chest.

Meanwhile, outside the room, Isabelle smiled at the sight.

And as she walked away, the black-haired Shadowhunter whispered, "You really deserve to be happy more than you think Anya. You really do."


	16. Safe and Sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You'll be alright. No one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound."  
> \--Taylor Swift

Anya loved her brother, but the sight before her would be one of the few things she would never forgive him for.

She recognized that black hair anywhere, and the body of its owner hung limp in the arms of his sister, who was screaming out like the entire world was coming to an end. Anya searched for any signs of life within the young boy, but found nothing except deathly pale skin and a chest that would not rise.

God fucking damn it, Jonathan!

Anya clenched her teeth and continued on, determined to get to Valentine before Jace did.

~~~

Isabelle wouldn't come out of her room, but now here Anya was, staring at that door, where she could hear quiet sobs coming from within. It had only been days since she and Isabelle became parabatai, but Anya could still feel the other girl's emotions as if they were her own.

Now, she wasn't sure which was Isabelle's pain or her own. She didn't know Max very well, in fact she didn't even know what to make of him when she met him face-to-face, but Anya remembered feeling uncomfortable around him, and it had nothing to do with his age.

Still, there was some kind of innocence about him that almost made Anya want to protect it for as long as she could.

But even she knew that would be the last thing she would be able to do, especially when her brother was concerned.

Now, still standing outside Isabelle's room, Anya found herself at a loss at what to say for once. What was she supposed to say to someone who lost someone very important to them, specifically a family member? What could she say that would take away her parabatai's pain, if at least for a little while?

Was there anything she could even _do_?

Almost instinctively, Anya sat before the door, still listening to Isabelle's quiet sobs, and an idea came to mind.

Isabelle always said that she wanted to hear Anya's singing voice when the two of them were alone, though she later said it was a joke. But...could that be what she wanted right now?

Mustering up her courage, Anya scooted closer to the door, gently rested her head upon it. Then, not caring if Isabelle listened or not, she began to sing.

_I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'll never let you go_

_When all those shadows almost killed your light_

_I remember you said don't leave me alone_

_But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight._

She didn't hear the sobbing cease from the other side of the door as the room's occupant listened carefully.

_Just close your eyes, the sun is going down_

_You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now_

_Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound_

_Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire_

_The war outside our door keeps raging on_

_Hold on to this lullaby, even when the music's gone, gone_

_Just close your eyes, the sun is going down_

_You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now_

_Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound_

Someone began moving in the room as Anya began to hum, and that person appeared to also lean her head against the door, right in the same location as Anya's. If possible, both girls could probably feel each other's warmth through that very same door.

_Just close your eyes, you'll be alright_

_Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound_

As Anya began to hum the last bit of the vocals, she heard the doorknob turn slowly, and as she finished, it opened, with the first thing she saw being a bloodshot and weary blue eye. Isabelle looked at Anya with a sort of helplessness she never thought she would see on her, and supposed appearances are deceiving.

"You and I will be safe and sound," Anya whispered to the other girl. "You will see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars


	17. As the One Who Kills Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Dear brother, I don't know how to thank you but I'm lucky to have you in my life."  
> \--Unknown

"Anya."

"Yes Jon?"

The brother and sister duo were sitting on the couch, sipping wine, and this allowed Jonathan to study Anya. She was wearing a long light blue dress that both hugged her figure and kept the most important stuff hidden, her hair was loose and adorned with a matching light blue ribbon, and she had a shining anklet around her right ankle. The look really brought out her eyes and her beauty, and Jonathan suddenly wished that they weren't brother and sister.

But then again, the Egyptian royalty did marry their family members to keep their bloodlines pure, and King Tutankhamun married his half-sister, Princess Ankhesenamun, as per custom after Queen Nefertiti passed.

Though Anya would never see him as anything more than a brother anyway. That caused a familiar blow to hit Jonathan's heart, but he ignored it as best he could.

"You know what's coming, don't you?" he asked instead, getting back to the topic at hand.

Anya froze, her expression blank, though from the way her hand was shaking, Jonathan knew he unintentionally had struck a nerve, and he flinched. His face softened into the expression that was reserved for his sister alone: a gentle, loving, and humble expression of a beloved brother. Seeing this expression, Anya's hand stopped shaking, though she clearly was still struck by his question.

"What are you trying to say Jonathan?" she asked wearily.

Jonathan looked away from her, his expression consorting to one of sadness. "It's obvious, isn't it?" he questioned, staring into his reflection in the wine, which looked eerily similar to blood now. "I've committed so many wrongs that I've lost count, and I know that's going to kill me eventually, probably sooner if it comes to that."

Anya went back to shaking. "Jon?" Her voice sounded weak now, like talking any louder would cause her to collapse upon herself.

Jonathan looked back to his sister, scooting closer to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him as he gave her forehead a kiss. After pulling away, he smiled down at her in what he hoped was a comforting manner.

"Anya, when that time comes, I want you to do something for me."

His sister's eyes were wide and her mouth was partly open, a very strange expression on her. "What is it?" she asked.

Jonathan took some deep breaths before he answered. "I want you to be the one who kills me."

Anya jumped back, almost spilling her wine. "What?!" Now she looked out of breath and so pale she could've resembled death. "What are you saying?!"

But Jonathan continued to smile sadly. He had expected this reaction from his younger sister, but that didn't make it any easier. "I said I want you to be the one who kills me," he repeated patiently. "Even you know this is going to happen, right Anya? I've been doomed from the very start, and it's only a matter of time before I have to pay the price for everything I've done. Therefore, I'd rather die at the hand of someone I love than someone I hate."

By now, Anya was shaking so much that she had to set down her wine glass for fear that she would either spill the wine or drop the glass altogether. Tears were starting to gather in her blue and green hued eyes, which somehow made them appear like gems. Still, Jonathan hated doing this to his dear sister, but everything he said was true.

To him, dying at the hands of someone he loved was better than at the hands of someone he hates, like their bitch of a mother.

How despicable could that woman get? Did she truly not have a brain in that thick skull of hers? God, it was no wonder why Clarissa turned out exactly like her and why Anya didn't.

How ironic. The twins who shared the same womb for nine months couldn't have been anymore distant from each other.

To comfort his sister once again, Jonathan pulled her to his strong chest, allowing her to silently cry, all while trying not to cry himself. He hated how he turned out; a monster, but that was mostly the fault of his fucked-up excuses of parents and how inconsiderate his other sister was. Anya, sweet, sweet Anya, was the only one out of his entire family and the people who met him who tried to understand Jonathan's mind, who was there for him when no one else was, and who loved him despite his flaws.

He hated doing this to her.

But he still wouldn't take back what he said. He would happily die if Anya was the one who killed him, and he would not take those words back. Not now, and not ever.

He just wished he didn't have to bring his dear sister so much despair.


	18. Weary Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."  
> \--Frederick Douglass

Amatis Graymark was no stranger to strange happenings, for she was a Shadowhunter. Still, as a Shadowhunter, she had been witness to many things, such as the obvious demons, the Downworlders, and even to her own brother being turned into a werewolf. She also was no stranger to heartbreak, especially after she had been forced to divorce her beloved husband due to her being the sister of a werewolf.

But when she met Ariana Fray, Amatis found herself stumped.

Ariana (or Anya as she preferred to be called) was a very strange child when she met her. When Amatis came across her, she had been around eight, and her parents were nowhere to be seen, but the child didn't look concerned in the very least. Amatis remembered wondering if she was looking an an adult trapped in a child's body, for the girl had the posture of a grown woman, specifically a woman that fought in many wars, and her eyes, despite how beautiful they looked, were...terrifying.

They were eyes that Amatis had never seen before, especially not in a child.

Still, she had approached the child, asking her where her parents were and if she was lost.

Her response was immediate.

"They're nearby. Thank you for your concern though."

Looking around, Amatis saw no one who looked like her, with her pale blonde and red-streaked hair, blue and green-hued eyes, and beautiful appearance. But when she turned back, the child had disappeared, nowhere to be seen in the crowd.

But that would not be the last time that Amatis would see her.

When she met Ariana again, it was completely random, at least to Amatis. Around that time, she had been hearing rumors of the White Current, a mysterious Shadowhunter who was more powerful, more cunning, more agile, and more beautiful than any Shadowhunter known. According to those rumors, the White Current wore white, the color of death, and as soon as her enemies saw that color, it would be the last thing they saw before they would be killed.

Amatis never believed it at first. There was no way that a Shadowhunter like that could exist, and she had seen the best Shadowhunters yet, had fought with them at times too. She had seen how they fought, how agile and strong they were, and how easily they could take care of demons.

That was until the White Current herself came knocking on her door.

As soon as she opened the door, Amatis remembered feeling so shocked when she saw the white cloak, the symbol of the White Current. The long fabric glided gently with the light wind, and Amatis could feel the intense gaze of the hooded figure before her. She remembered shaking in shock and disbelief, and the gaze of the figure didn't help matters.

Then, slowly, the figure threw back her hood, allowing a long pale blonde and red-streaked braid to fall out, also revealing a beautiful face and ancient blue and green-hued eyes.

"Hello Amatis Herondale," greeted the figure. "Do you still remember me?"

Amatis couldn't answer, but she recognized the girl anywhere as the child she had seen all those years ago. And here she was, standing at her doorstep, and wearing the white cloak that belonged to the White Current.

She realized at that point that the rumors had been true.

Seeing she wasn't going to answer, Ariana Fray spoke. "We need to talk," she said. "May I come in?"

That conversation had been a strange one to say the least, for Anya told her that the rumors she had been hearing about were indeed true, and due to the amount of enemies she made, she needed an ally within Idris itself. Amatis just listened, trying to take it all in and not flip out over the new information she had just received.

Not to mention so many questions were running through her mind at this time, like why she was really here, why she wanted her as an ally, and, most of all, how did she even become the infamous White Current. Amatis held all those questions back, though it had proved fruitless, for Anya seemed to have sensed them.

But she didn't give those questions any answers, at least, not the answers Amatis was looking for.

Either way, Amatis had reluctantly agreed to be Anya's ally, though the words seemed to have just come out of her mouth on their own accord, and as soon as they were out, she couldn't take them back. After hearing those words, Anya left, promising Amatis that they would meet again.

Definitely not something that Amatis would expect from a first meeting with the girl she would grow to care for.

The fondness just grew on its own, and Amatis watched as Anya grew stronger and stronger, more beautiful, and more deadly. No one knew she was Anya's ally and close confidant, though Amatis wouldn't put it past Anya to be very sneaky when she needed to be, not to mention she was stealthy, as she would often come into Amatis' house without the older woman detecting her until the last second.

Even after all these years, she still hadn't gotten used to them.

"Do you not know the use of announcing yourself?" Amatis asked Anya once when she found her standing the doorway, blank-faced and at attention.

"It can be useful yes," said Anya, "but not now."

Well, that was comforting.

Still, even after all these years, Amatis had never heard Anya speak about her family or personal life even once. She understood at first, for they were complete strangers when they first met, but over time Amatis started to wonder if Anya truly didn't trust her, and she had to admit that it actually hurt, feelings she never thought she would feel for the White Current of all people.

She knew Anya was ruthless, that she could be cruel, that she could kill people without batting an eye or feeling an ounce of remorse, but sometimes Amatis would catch her with an expression that was so unlike her: a sad, hateful, and broken expression. However, when questioned, Anya would never answer.

So one time she asked.

"Where are your parents Anya?"

Anya ceased what she had been doing moments before, and the room was filled with dead silence. Amatis waited, trying not to show her discomfort at the sudden silence or her conflicted thoughts over whether she should've asked that question or not. Then, slowly, Anya set down her sword, and looked at Amatis right in the eyes.

"They don't care," was all she said.

"What?"

"They don't care, well, I should say my mother doesn't care that I'm here, and my father doesn't know that I even exist."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Exactly as I said Amatis, the foolish woman can't look past her own delusions, and again my father doesn't know I even exist."

Then, without breaking her rhythm, Anya went back to polishing her blades and creating more runes, all while Amatis watched her with a sad expression.

A mother who didn't care about her own child? A father who didn't know of her existence? What kind of parents were those creatures?!

Amatis wondered if that was why Anya had such an expression on her face, why she felt like a world-weary woman in a child's body, and suddenly she hated the people that made her into what she was.

She just didn't know that she should be blaming a different kind of people.


	19. Angel's Conflict

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Any fool can be happy. It takes a man with real heart to make beauty out of the stuff that makes us weep."  
> \--Clive Barker

The world seemed to be against him these days.

Jace felt that since the day he was old enough to walk, as when his father abandoned him when he was young, when Robert and Maryse's marriage began to dissolve, and so many others. Still, through it all, he was able to face life with a cocky smile and devil-may-care attitude, and look where that got him.

Now, he had to be in love with his own sister.

Anya, the girl he had fallen in love with, was his _younger sister_.

Jace now felt like the unluckiest guy alive.

But what hurt more was the fact that Anya was treating him more coldly than she had the day they first met. When she pointed her blade at him in that werewolf bar, her cold eyes looking straight into his soul, Jace felt like dying right then and there, especially when Anya questioned his intelligence and her trust in him, even going so far as to threaten his life, as well as her own sister's.

It was like all they went through together meant nothing to her. But Jace couldn't find it in himself to fault her.

Still, the revelation that they were brother and sister didn't deter Anya, and that told Jace that she didn't love him, at least not the way he loved her. That ate at him like a parasite, so he had to get away, away from the Institute, away from his problems, and away from her.

He couldn't face her, not after that.

So he had gone to that ship, his father's headquarters, and ended up stumbling into one of his worst nightmares.

The first thing he saw was Anya, fighting a demon with her usual grace and agility, the very things that Jace found beautiful, but she appeared to be struggling, just as she had with Madame Dorothea's demon, except more so than before. There was blood running down her face, there were various cuts here and there, and her Shadowhunter outfit was also cut and stained with a little blood.

Somehow, Jace was frozen in place, so he couldn't go over and assist her.

But then the demon made a move that caught Anya off guard.

After sending an attack her way, which was easily deflected, the demon teleported directly to Anya, and, before Anya had any time to react, impaled her.

A silent scream of pain and surprise flew past her lips, and red filled Jace's vision as he watched as blood went flying, staining the ground and anything else nearby. Anya's seraph blade clanged to the bloodstained ground, and the demon lifted Anya up, watching as she struggled to breathe as blood dripped down her mouth. Then, with a cackle, vanished, causing Anya to fall to the ground.

"NO!" screamed Jace, dashing forward and catching Anya before she could hit the ground. "Anya, oh god, don't you dare, don't you fucking dare die on me. Anya!"

Anya choked, more blood streaming down her chin, her beautiful eyes looking up into Jace's golden orbs. Jace was horrified at the look in her eyes, how cloudy they appeared, how much pain was in them, so different from their gem-like and nearly empty appearance. With a shaky breath, Anya reached a bloody hand up towards his face, a weak smile appearing on her face.

Then her hand fell, her eyes closed, and she stopped breathing.

"Anya...?" Jace called weakly. When he didn't receive a response, he began to shake the body. "Anya? ANYA?!"

No answer.

"Anya, come on, this isn't funny! D-Don't you die on me...Anya, please!"

Anya remained lifeless in his arms.

With a choke, Jace buried her face into her cold shoulder and screamed. He screamed until his throat was sore, until he had no tears left, and until he was begging to die too. At that point, he didn't care that Anya was his sister, that they were the children of Valentine Morgenstern, or that they had been at odds with each other these past few days. 

He wanted her back. 

He wanted to die.

He just wanted to be with her.

He wanted someone to kill him so he could be with her. It was the last thing he thought before everything went black.

It had been a nightmare, Jace realized when he woke up to find Anya no longer in his arms, created by the demon of fear, Agramon, himself, and Valentine had watched the whole thing, ordering the demon to back off when Jace himself had been near death's door.

Jace couldn't describe the relief he felt at that moment. Anya was alright, she was not here, she was safe.

Now Jace didn't care if Anya was his sister. He would protect her from their father, even if it meant betraying her and switching sides.

He just wished that he would be strong enough. That way, that nightmare will not come true.

It couldn't.


	20. Flesh and Bone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We make our own monsters, then fear them for what they show us about ourselves."  
> \--Mike Carey

One thing that the Seelie Queen always seemed to forget was how well Ariana Morgenstern kept her promises.

After revealing her affiliation with Jonathan Morgenstern and seeking to betray the New York Shadowhunters, stopped briefly by Meliorn's death, Ariana looked her right in the eyes, clearly knowing that she was not going to keep her promise to stay silent about what happened, and, oddly, the queen felt a chill run up her spine at that look.

It was made worse by Ariana's words, spoken so low that only the queen could hear.

"I warn you Seelie Queen," she began, "if you send anyone after us to kill us, I will come back here, skin you alive, and force every one of your people, man, woman, and child, to consume it. Is that clear?"

The queen didn't answer at first, causing the Bloody Rose's eyes to narrow slightly.

"Is. That. Clear?"

The threat clear, the Seelie Queen forced out her next words. "Yes."

Ariana did not look satisfied with her answer, not even when she and her group left her alone to break her promise. Of course, it was not as if the Seelie Queen could help herself; her personal guard and the person closest to her had fallen at the hands of those Shadowhunters, and it was not something she could forgive.

And besides, Jonathan cared about his sister, and the same could be said for Ariana. They could understand her feelings about this matter.

But Ariana was called the Bloody Rose for a reason, and months later, the Seelie Queen relearned that the hard way.

It was nighttime, and the queen was getting ready to retire for the night. Her servants had dressed her in her night clothes, brushed her hair, and removed her crown to place it in a secure location before leaving her alone in her quarters. She had smiled to herself, wondering if Jonathan annihilated Meliorn's killers as she sat in front of her mirror.

But when she looked into her reflection, she hissed and spun around.

Glaring at her, her eyes dark and full of murderous intent, her body cloaked in white, and her sword gleaming coldly in what little light there was in the room, was the Bloody Rose herself, Ariana.

The Seelie Queen found herself unable to compose herself when she saw those eyes. Those were the eyes that every enemy would see last before they were either killed or broken beyond repair by the Bloody Rose, and it didn't matter how strong or skilled they were. As soon as those eyes were upon them, either a fate worse than death or death itself awaited them, depending on whatever thought came first.

And those eyes were now trained upon her.

"H--" The queen struggled to compose herself. "How did you get in here?"

Ariana remained silent, neither blinking or moving. The Seelie Queen found herself unable to move herself despite how much she wanted to scream for her guards or escape while she could.

Eventually, many painful minutes passed before Ariana spoke.

"What did I tell you?" she asked, slowly and with a darkness that could've froze the queen's heartbeat if it could.

"What?"

The Bloody Rose took a menacing step forward, and without meaning to, the queen took a step back, her back colliding with her vanity stand. She flinched at the contact, but ultimately did not take her eyes off the Shadowhunter.

"I warned you," said Shadowhunter said slowly. "I told you not to turn us in, and as soon as we're gone, you do exactly that. Have you forgotten what I told you faerie, or has my warning gone in one ear and out the other?"

The Seelie Queen didn't answer, and this somehow made the sinister darkness in Ariana's form to increase.

"I asked you a question bitch," she said, moving her sword so it was visible. The queen eyed it with wide eyes, and finally her traitorous mouth moved.

"You would kill me."

A smile appeared on her face, but it wasn't kind. Rather, there was a mocking tone to it.

"Kill you?" she asked. "I do not remember saying that little bitch. I think I remember saying I would skin you alive, not kill you."

The queen couldn't speak, not even when the Bloody Rose began to walk closer to her.

"Don't bother calling for anyone. They'll find out what happened to you soon enough, and they will not be able to hear you."

The Seelie Queen's eyes widened. The mark on her door...no...

And as expected, her screams were not heard by anyone outside her room after Ariana reached her.

~~~

The people were screaming, tears streaming down their cheeks as the substance was forced into their mouths and down their throats. Anya had placed body control runes on them so they were unable to resist the rune's power as they were forced to eat the flesh of their queen, who was still in her room, skinned and barely alive, but Anya was not going to let her die yet.

She had to pay for breaking her promise, especially to the Bloody Rose. Stupid faerie should've known that when she makes promises, she keeps them, and when she makes threats, she will follow through with them.

It seemed her old age had caught up to her after all, and that will all cost her and her people dearly.

As soon as she was finished skinning the queen, she forced the servants to cook it and serve it to every single male, female, and child faerie, else they also wished to be skinned. Now, every faerie was under her rune's power, being forced to eat their queen's flesh, and with Anya easily ignoring the sobs and screams of the children and the adults.

One of the servants collapsed to her knees, her forehead touching Anya's feet. "Please, stop this! We've done nothing wrong!"

Anya looked down at her, her eyes merciless. "You've done nothing wrong?" she repeated, voice low once more. "You've done nothing wrong you say? Don't play dumb with me." She then ruthlessly kicked the faerie away, causing her to fall onto her back with a cry of pain and surprise.

"Please, at least consider the children!" another servant begged in a pleading pose.

Anya stared back, indifferent. "No one is stopping until every bite is swallowed," she said.

"But--"

"Do you wish to join the queen?" The fae snapped her mouth shut, and Anya smirked bitterly. "Didn't think so." She then turned to leave.

"W-Where are you going?"

"I have somewhere else I need to be," Anya called. "But don't worry, the rune will wear off after everyone is finished with their meal, so you don't have to worry about having no control over your bodies for the rest of your miserable lives."

Her response was a scream and the unsheathing of an blade, which Anya easily deflected. Then, with one slice, the servant girl's head was left rolling towards the others, who screamed as they watched blood explode like a fountain from their friend's neck just as her body collapsed to the floor.

"Skin and cook her as well," ordered Anya. "The people must eat that as well."

She didn't stay to see if the women did as they were told. She knew they would do it least they wanted to never regain control of their own bodies. As she left, a smile began to creep on her lips.

How she wanted to do this for a long time now, and damn did it feel good.


	21. Hopes and Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Save me from myself. I'm afraid of what I can be. Hold me close, chase my fears away. I need you to believe in me. Don't let the world hurt me or let me hurt myself. I'm lost without you darling. Please save me from myself."  
> \--Anonymous

The nightmares came without any warning, and Anya had been helpless to stop them.

They always started the same; she would always be wearing a black bodysuit that hugged her every curve and yet protected her body from any weapons, the exact suit she had been wearing _that_ day, but her hair was her pale blonde and red-streaked hair as Anya, nothing like her blonde hair as Valkyrie.

Then confusion would follow. What was...? What was going on? Why was she here? Where was sh--

It would always be at that moment when the horror would set in, and she would recognize her surroundings.

The first thing she would see was the fire, so hot and ruthless that it made her eyes water and her skin to dampen in response. Then she would smell the blood, making her feel ill but unable to throw up. And finally, there were the screams, both of battle, of terror, and of agonizing pain and death.

It was a sound that Anya was all too familiar with, in fact she had grown quite used to hearing those sounds when she was performing a job on a certain target or targets. But now? These were sounds that she prayed she would never have to hear in her own compound, and even to her own guildmates.

Of course, she always hated but loved the guild. After all, it was the sight of so much of her pain and suffering, but it was the only place she knew. The place that taught her to be Valkyrie, the Black Aphrodite, who taught her how to take care of herself, how best to kill a target, how to use all kinds of weapons, and even gave her a home to come back to, food, and a bed to sleep in every day.

And now it was this very guild that burned.

Anya could feel her lungs burning as she ran, fighting off any enemy assassins that came close to her, and even watching as many of her fellow guildmates were slaughtered mercilessly, but she felt nothing for them.

This place may have been her home, and they may have trained, bled, and fought alongside her, but they meant nothing to her.

She only wanted to find him.

Tristan.

The horror began to mix with urgency as Anya rushed through the burning compound, killing anyone who stood in her way, all while praying Tristan was alive. He had to be, he promised her that he would always be with her, he was just as skilled as she was in combat, could defeat her at times even! He had to be around here somewhere.

Anya was looking in every possible corner she came across, her eyes taking in everything and looking for a certain patch of red hair and freckled pale skin, but she always found nothing as she continued to run and fight in her search.

Where was he?

Where was he?!

Where was he?!

Why wasn't he any--

That's when Anya screeched to a halt.

The first thing she would always see was the giant hellhound, its black fur soaked through with the blood of its victims, its large, sharp, and jagged teeth stained with blood and looking sharp enough to easily rip its victims in two like they were nothing but butter, and their red eyes overtook the entire socket. And right in front of it, desperately attempting to hold it off, and covered in various bleeding cuts and bruises, was him.

He briefly glanced her direction, shock overcoming the exhaustion on his face, and that was all the distraction the hound needed. It charged, suddenly taking him into its mouth and biting down.

Blood went flying, a sight that Anya could never forget even if she wanted to, and the sound of ripping flesh and bone was the loudest sound she had ever heard in her life. She barely felt her eyes widening, her breathing cease, her heart stopping, or a dreadful cold pass over her as she watched the sight she had prayed to never see behold in front of her.

He threw up blood, his eyes wide with agonizing pain, and he looked over at her, screaming out words she could barely hear, but she knew what he was saying. Then he went limp, the life fading from the warm brown eyes she loved so much, leaving them as nothing more but empty, cold orbs, and the hound devoured him whole.

All Anya knew next was that she was screaming. The screams that filled her ears were deafening, inhuman, and full of pain, and at first she barely noticed they were coming from her. Her vision went black temporarily, and before she knew it, she was standing in front of him, his lower torso separated from his upper half, blood pooling around him at a rapid pace, and yet...

He was alive.

_He was alive._

**He shouldn't be alive.**

He looked up at her, blood pouring from his mouth like a waterfall, and his eyes full of what Anya could only read as betrayal.

"W...h...y...Val...?" he wheezed painfully. "Why...did...n't...you...sa...v...e...me?"

"I--" Anya couldn't breathe all over again, and she once more felt a dreadful cold rush over her. "I didn't mean to! I didn't mean to!"

"Y...ou...did...n't...save...m...e..."

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!"

"Did...n't...s...a...v...e...me..."

"I'm sorry!" Anya barely felt the tears stream down her cheeks at a rapid pace.

_I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry!_

Anya could feel her breathing become labored and red fill her vision, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Death would've been a just punishment for her.

"I...ha...te...you...Val...ky...rie..."

"I'm sorry!"

**_Imsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimsosorryimso--_ **

She would always look up, and by now Tristan would be gone, leaving behind only the large puddle of blood, so disgusting and vile, and yet Anya found herself burrowing into it anyway.

"I'm sorry!" she cried, inhaling sharply in response to every lost breath. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

_Please come back! Please come back! Please come back! pleasecomebackpleasecomebackpleasecomebackpleasecomeback!_

**DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!**

The blood was hot, too hot, and it left her skin feeling so dry that her body's moisture could've been leaving her body for all she cared. She deserved it. She deserved all this pain. She deserved to rot in the deepest pit of Hell.

So why?

Why was she still here?

Was this a joke? Why wasn't anyone killing her, the exact fate she should be suffering? Why wasn't--

_"Anya."_

Anya flinched, looking up from the puddle of blood. What was...? That never happened before. That voice...it was a voice she knew very well, a voice she loved very much, but why--

_"Anya."_

The voice was masculine, and for moment she hoped it was Tristan, but the voice wasn't his. This voice was different, but the love in it was no different. The last part caused Anya to start crying all over again, but this time she couldn't even sob.

She didn't deserve that love. She failed. This was all her fault.

She knew it. This was all her fault.

"Anya." The voice was louder now, and the footsteps stopped, kneeling next to her and gently fingering her hair. "Little sister, please, dry your eyes. They do not suit you."

Wait.

Anya looked up, her blue and green-hued eyes looking into pure black orbs, eyes that shone gently back at her, made worse by the gentle and loving smile on his face.

She whimpered. "Jon?" she called weakly. "Wh-What are you..."

"Shh," Jonathan gently whispered, placing a finger on her bloody lips, while using his other hand to gently wipe away her tears, easily ignoring the blood on her. Anya didn't fight back, she couldn't have even if she wanted to, but...she didn't deserve this kindness. Why was her brother being so kind to her when she failed Tristan, when she deserved to suffer a fate worse than death? Why couldn't he just hit her--

Suddenly Jonathan pulled her into a hug, not quickly per say, but it surprised Anya nevertheless. Once more, her brother easily ignored the blood on her form, the way it soaked into his clothes, stained his skin, and made the iron stench grow stronger as he caressed her hair and held on tight to her, a secure and protective hold.

Anya sat there, frozen, before the tears returned. Why? Why was her brother being so kind to her? She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve anything! So why? Why was he being so kind to her?

She wanted to voice these opinions, but couldn't. Her throat felt constricted, and perhaps it was, and yet she could still breathe. She wanted to stop breathing forever, wanted to stop stealing her brother's oxygen, wanted--

Jonathan's grip tightened on her. "Stop it Anya," he ordered.

Anya flinched. "But--"

"This isn't your fault."

"Wh--"

"The fault is mine."

Anya froze, her eyes wide, and her face feeling dry and rough. "What...?"

"These nightmares that plague you," began her brother, "I knew I should've done this sooner. Otherwise you wouldn't be suffering like this."

Anya turned her face to look at Jonathan. "Jon?" she questioned.

"Anya." Jonathan paused and sighed. "I need you to be honest with me here. If I were to tell you I could take away this pain you were feeling, stop these nightmares, would you trust me?"

"Jon?"

"Would you Anya?"

Anya looked at her brother. She wanted to answer him so badly, but why? Why was he proposing such a thing to scum like her? Why was he offering to save her from pain that she so deserved?

Jonathan was looking at her sternly but lovingly, and suddenly Anya thought back to all the times they spent together, comforting each other, playing together, reading together, learning together, sleeping together, and even crying together. Suddenly she remembered.

Who would remember him if she were gone?

Who would remember the loving yet misguided older brother that was Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern? Who would cherish all the times he spent with his little sister? Who would...who would continue to love him, to know the real him, to give him the support he needed but was so harshly denied by their father and their bitch of a mother?

Anya couldn't be selfish. She had already been selfish so many times, but then again, she always had been selfish.

After all, that was all she was good for; ignoring how much hurt she would leave behind.

She nodded. "I trust you Jon."

Jonathan smiled, a loving smile, and suddenly Anya felt safe, protected, and loved. "Thank you." He then moved to write a rune on her chest, one that would sign her fate. "This might be uncomfortable, but I promise Anya. I'm going to stop these nightmares, this pain, and take care of you from now on. I promise."

Anya nodded, trusting her brother completely, all while he proceeded to write the damning rune on her chest, an uncomfortable feeling rushing through her body all the while.

Eventually, her brother was finished, and he smiled at her, placing a kiss on her head. "I'll see you soon Anya. I promise I'll keep you safe from now on."

Anya nodded, smiling at her brother, only to frown when he finally disappeared from her sight, leaving her alone all over again. She traced the rune on her chest, the tears returning, but this time they silently sailed down her cheeks, unnoticed.

Anya looked at the blood puddle under her, felt the life liquid dry her skin as it itself dried up it. She didn't move to leave, knowing she would soon be forced to leave it behind as she returned to the real world, but it was also at that moment when the guilt struck her.

And before she woke up, she whispered one thing, one that she knew the intended recipient would never hear.

"I'm so sorry Jace."


	22. Like a Bird in a Cage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I am your bird. Cage me and lock me in your heart forever. I'll sacrifice my own life if that's what keeps us together."  
> \--Farah Reza Naqvi

No. No, no, no, no, no. _No, no no no no no no no no_ **NO!**

How could he have been so blind? How could he have been so stupid?!

Jace raced back towards the Institute as fast as his legs would allow, his heart pounding against his ribcage and his lungs burning like Hell. But he didn't care about any of that, not with the panic coursing through him and the fear of what he had a feeling was happening at this moment.

How could he have been so _stupid_?!

Why did he not get Anya to the Silent Brothers as soon as the conflict in Idris was over? Why did he think she was going to be alright after she had practically died?

What the hell had come over him?

When the church appeared in front of him, Jace forced his feet to run faster, easily ignoring the burning in his legs and lungs.

 _Please, please,_ he begged. _Don't let me be too late._

Jace forced open the doors and rushed in, punching at the elevator button over and over as he begged for the elevator doors to open.

He punched the wall when it took its sweet-ass time. "Hurry up god damn it!" he shouted, tears of frustration prickling the corners of his eyes as the elevator continued to take its time. Finally, the doors opened, and Jace quickly walked inside, pressing more buttons as the doors slowly closed.

As the elevator went up, Jace began to pace, once more willing the elevator to go faster as he thought over what he already knew.

Shadowhunters needed to go through a ceremony to protect them from being mentally attacked by demons as soon as they were born, and there had been no documented case of a Shadowhunter coming back from the dead, but one thing was certain; Once they come back to life, they are completely vulnerable to those attacks, which meant that action had to be taken immediately to keep that from happening.

And Anya...

Oh god Anya...

_**How could he have been so fucking stupid?!** _

Eventually the elevator dinged, and the doors barely had the chance to open before Jace forced himself through, ignoring the startled meow from Church as he rushed towards Anya's room.

Why couldn't he have taken her with him? Why did he leave her here?

Finally, he screeched to a halt upon reaching Anya's door, which he quickly forced open, almost breaking the entire thing off in his panic as he stood in the doorway.

"Anya!" he called, expecting to see a figure with long pale blonde and red-streaked hair, but his already rapidly beating heart stopped when he didn't see that.

The room was dark, the bed was neatly made, nothing looked out of place, and, other than that, it was empty.

Jace scanned the room desperately, trying to find any sign of the girl he was looking for, but found no one.

"Anya?" he called, looking around the room. "Anya, this isn't fucking funny, where are you?!"

Silence answered him.

And that's when Jace saw it. Lying on the vanity table Isabelle had given Anya, there was a piece of paper. It had not been there when Jace last saw Anya, just before he left with the others to get information about her condition, all while she looked at him with tired, broken eyes, as if this was the last time they would see each other.

Jace had felt a terrible shiver rush through his body at the sight of that look, and while they were leaving, prayed that when they came back they would have the answers they needed and Anya wouldn't have that look in her eyes anymore.

Jace eyed the paper, holding his breath for a long while before he slowly approached the vanity table and shakily took the paper into his hands.

He immediately recognized Anya's elegant handwriting before he even started reading.

_To the one who finds this message,_

_Please forgive me, but I can't resist the curse any longer. My brother is waiting for me now, and he promised to erase the nightmares that plague my mind. He will look after me now as long as I bare this mark, so I must go to him now so it can be done. I'm so sorry Isabelle, Alec, Jace, but I just want this to stop. I hope you will understand._

_I'm so sorry, and please, know that I love you Jace._

_Anya_

Jace stared at the words, his expression wiped of any emotion, but his hands began to shake badly while the tears finally fell free from his golden eyes and landed on the paper, smearing the ink. Eventually, he collapsed to his knees, bringing the letter to his chest as he thought back to yesterday morning and even earlier this morning.

_"Anya!" Jace yelled as he forced himself through Anya's door, her screams growing louder as soon as he entered. As expected, Anya was in the bed, screaming in terror and pure agony as she flailed in the bed, as if fighting off an unseen enemy. Tears were streaming from her closed eyes, and she was even screaming things that Jace could not understand._

_He rushed over to her. "Anya!" he called again, grabbing her wrists and pinning them to her sides. "Wake up! It's just a nightmare! Wake up!"_

_But Anya continued to struggle, but not as much as before. By now, her face contorted to one of pure agony as she sobbed._

_"Anya," Jace called, gentler this time. "Wake up, please. I'm here, just wake up."_

_As if in response, Anya's eyes shot open, and she once more screamed out, pushing Jace off of her and falling off the bed in her attempt to get away from him. She was looking at him, but Jace could tell that she wasn't seeing him, and she continued to crawl away from him until she finally hit the wall._

_She flinched at the contact, but ultimately moved to make herself as small as possible as she continued to sob._

_"I'm sorry," she whimpered. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."_

_Slowly, so as to not startle her, Jace got up from the bed, hands in front of him as he slowly approached her. "Anya..." he began, but Anya continued to whimper to herself._

_"Please don't hate me," she pleaded weakly. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you, please don't hate me..."_

_"Anya, what are you talking about?" Jace asked, voice still gentle. "I don't hate you."_

_"...please don't hate me..."_

_The sight hurt Jace, more than any blade could ever hope to create. He hated how broken Anya looked, how scared and self-hateful she sounded, and how vulnerable she was. And this had been happening almost every night, so much that Anya would be too scared to even go to sleep in fear of seeing the nightmares again._

_And they were always over the same thing, she had said, but when Jace asked as to what they were, she would immediately fall silent._

_Jace knelt before Anya, and this time she didn't move away from him as he finally closed the space between them and embraced her tightly but made sure that her arms were loose so as to not make her feel trapped. Immediately, Anya clung to him, gripping his shirt tightly as if it were a lifeline, and she buried her face into his chest as she continued to sob._

_Each one further struck a wound on Jace's heart._

_"I'm here," he whispered soothingly. "I don't hate you Anya, I would never hate you. You know that."_

_Anya whimpered before shaking her head._

_Jace didn't say anymore and just continued to hold Anya until she eventually calmed down enough to pull away and allow him to wipe away her tears, his fingers gentle._

_She inhaled a shaky breath. "I want it to stop..." she whispered. "I can't take this anymore."_

_Jace nodded. "I know Anya, we're going to fix this, I promise you we will."_

_Anya didn't look like she believed him, but she nodded anyways._

And this morning, she looked so hopeless, so guilty, and this time it wasn't about the dream. She had been looking at him with those guilty eyes, like she had just committed a sin against him and he didn't even know about it.

But now Jace understood, and he couldn't stop a sob from escaping him.

"No..." he whispered, collapsing upon himself even further, even when he heard thunderous footsteps head his way.

"Jace, there you are, what--" Isabelle's words cut off when she saw him, then the empty room. Alec also stood behind her, stunned into silence at the sight of his vulnerable parabatai and the empty room he was in. "Oh god..." She then looked at him, but Jace didn't see her. "Jace...?"

And it was at that moment that Jace couldn't hold it in anymore, and he cried out.

"ANYA!!!"


	23. In Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I see Heaven in your eyes."  
> \--Unknown

How?

How was this possible?

She had gotten naked in front of a lot of people for most of her two lives, in fact her body had been used to seduce and invite her pray in so she could obtain the information she needed before killing them, and yet...

She stood naked in front of him, her cheeks surely pink with shame and her eyes looking at anything but him. Her long hair, thanks to how wet it was from the cave's lake, covered her pink nipples and her womanhood, and suddenly she wondered how she must look to him.

She must look like a fool. A complete, and utter, fool.

Of course, Anya knew Jace didn't care if her body was covered with the scars from the battles of which she did not come out unscathed, or the familiar or foreign runes that decorated it. She wasn't worried about that, in fact she stopped worrying about that a lifetime ago, it was just that...

She possessed a polluted soul, a soul that hailed from a body that had been ravaged by multiple men and even several women so much that she lost count, and that body had carried a new life, a life that she and her beloved Tristan had created, but had died with her before she could even know.

This new body may have been pure of anyone's touch, but her soul was not.

Anya knew that, and so did Jace.

So why?

Why wasn't he looking away from her in repulsion?

Why was he still looking at her with those soft, loving golden eyes?

Why was she so nervous?

Anya stole another look at Jace again, who was across from her in the water, his body also bare, allowing her to memorize every curve, every flaw, and every masterpiece it possessed. His body also possessed scars from battles he didn't win, runes, was covered with droplets, and he was looking at her, unashamed that he was naked in front of her. And yet...

Subconsciously, Anya had moved to cover up her body even though she knew there was nothing to cover, but Jace slowly swam over to her and gently grabbed her wrists, stopping her.

"Don't," he whispered. "Don't hide yourself from me."

Anya stared at him. "But I..."

"I don't care." Jace then proceeded to gently bring her arms from her body, though he wasn't looking at her pale and muscular yet petite form. Instead he was looking right into her eyes, as if searching for something.

Anya gulped before she forced herself to speak. "What...do you see?" she asked bashfully.

Jace's mouth parted slightly before a beautiful smile appeared. "I see..." He paused. "I see a beautiful soul within those eyes of yours."

Anya's eyes widened. "W-What...?" God damn it, why was her voice failing her? "But my soul--"

"I don't care about that," Jace interrupted, tilting her chin up so they were once more looking into each other's eyes. "Yes Anya, I see a soul that is tainted in some places, that has been ripped apart and pieced back together, but I see a beauty that even the purest of souls could never hope to possess."

Anya blinked, caught off guard. "W-What is it?" she asked.

Jace's fingers were gone from her chin, and suddenly she felt cold without them there. "The beauty of redemption and love."

Hearing those words made Anya's body feel warm all over, and she proceeded to submerge her body and half her face in the water, watching as her hair created a halo around her, almost like a barrier, or perhaps even wings. For a moment, Anya wanted to believe that her pale blonde locks were indeed angel wings, but the red made her think otherwise.

White. The color of funerals in Shadowhunter culture, yet it meant purity in the culture Jocelyn forced her to be a part of. But red? Red reminded Anya of blood, removing the white of any purity it once possessed.

It made her hate being that woman's daughter all over again.

Anya then heard the water ripple, and she turned her face to see Jace had also submerged himself halfway into the water, which somehow further brought out his sharp and angelic features. She watched as he glanced at her halo of hair, then bring up a finger to wrap a lock around it before bringing it to his lips to kiss it.

Anya blushed a darker shade of red, and she tried to burrow herself as far into the water as much as possible.

Seeing this, Jace chuckled at her. "You really look like a turtle, you know that?" he asked smoothly.

Anya looked away.

Jace chuckled again, sounding so mature and husky that Anya couldn't keep herself from looking at him in surprise. Who was this Jace and what happened to the arrogant, ladies' man she had met?

This Jace was so different from the one Anya had met, the one she wanted nothing to do with due to his future involvement with her pathetic sister, someone who allowed someone else, specifically someone who manipulated and attempted to destroy him, to make decisions for him, and who had refused to take a good look at the girl in front of him and see the damage she had caused as soon as she walked into his life. Now? This Jace was a man, mature, loving, dedicated, understood what he had done wrong, was responsible, and truly, truly loved her.

Anya never wanted to love anyone again after Tristan. After all, she knew that due to having more angel blood that the average Shadowhunter, she was beautiful, and people only wanted to be with her because of that, then leave her alone once she had finished satisfying them. She hated it, as she had been beautiful in her last life too, had spent her last life seducing her targets, and Tristan had changed that for her, for he too truly loved her, both her body, her personality, and even her flaws.

Then, no matter how much she tried to push Jace away, he just kept getting closer and closer to her until there was nowhere she could run. Now, here she was, completely vulnerable before him, both physically and mentally, something Anya never thought she would see the day of.

And he had to be Tristan's reincarnation too, but that did not change the feelings she had developed for him, believe it or not.

Anya didn't move when Jace swam towards her, nor did she attempt to struggle when he brought her to his chest. His arms wrapped around her like a protective shield, and Anya felt herself relax as she felt that safety. She then placed both hands and her forehead on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat while Jace buried his face into her wet hair.

The Heavenly Fire created a gentle warmth between the two of them, so different from the destructive power she knew it was capable of.

Jace must've felt it too, for he began to trace the scar he left behind to save her from her brother's control.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Anya lifted her head. "For what?"

Jace sighed heavily. "For letting this happen to you. I know I apologized for this before, when you woke up, but still, I can't help but feel guilty that I had to hurt you once again, just so I could save you."

Anya smiled gently, and slowly shook her head. "You did what you had to do," she whispered, eyes fluttering. "I know that if there was another way for you to set me free, you would've taken that chance."

Jace was silent a moment. "Do you...miss him?" he asked.

"My brother?" Upon Jace's nod, Anya smiled slightly. "He's my brother Jace. Of course I miss him, he was the only one I had while I was growing up."

"He never hurt you?"

"He would never hurt me on purpose, and when he did, he would always apologize and try to make up for it. When I was sick once, he took care of me until I got well. When I was having a bad day, he would always be there to cheer me up. He loved me Jace, and I him. That's why he put that rune on my chest; it was so he could help me stop those nightmares. He was remorseful for letting it happen Jace, and he vowed to take care of me after that, and he did. He took care of me."

Jace fell silent once again, though his arms tightened around her. Anya knew he didn't believe her, and it wasn't that hard to see why. After all, who would believe that Jonathan Morgenstern, the boy who killed Max Lightwood, who had demon blood running in his veins, whose eyes were as black as night, and who remorselessly turned Shadowhunters into people they were not, was a loving older brother?

But no one truly knew Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern like Anya did. She was there with him while they grew up, they knew each other's deepest, darkest secrets, they took care of each other, and they were not afraid to be honest with each other when needed. They were there for each other, and that was why Anya knew that Jace wouldn't understand, why no one else would understand.

They didn't grow up with Jonathan, never tried to know of the broken man behind that cruel mask of his. But Anya knew that Jace understood what was coming for all of them, she was pretty sure they all did.

After all, why else would they agree to come with her to the deepest pits of Hell?

Jace pulled away from her now, looking into her eyes once more. They both didn't say a word, and they didn't need to, for Jace moved to place his lips on hers.

Their lips connected, they proceeded to dance together in the water, the world disappearing around them in favor of this moment. Jace's fingers dug deep into her hair, and Anya pressed herself to him, now no longer caring about her shame. There was simply no room for it now.

Eventually they pulled away, and Jace began to trace every curve of her body, even her scars, to which he would place light kisses on, lingering on the scar that injected the Heavenly Fire into her. Anya shivered, suddenly needy and anticipating Jace's next move.

This body really is not used to pleasure, but Anya didn't care anymore.

This moment was too perfect for her to care.

They continued their dance, never unlocking their lips unless it was for air, and during this time they continued to trace each other, until finally they were tracing their manhood and womanhood respectively.

They both shivered in anticipation, and they finally pulled away to look each other in the face.

"Do you want this?" Anya asked, no longer bashful.

Jace smiled. "Is there any doubt?" he asked.

Anya smiled back. "None that I can see."

They then continued to dance in the waters of the cave, lit only by the various crystals surrounding them, and the only sounds accompanying them being the labored breathing and moans of ecstasy and pleasure.


	24. Daughter of Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Light is easy to love. Show me your darkness."  
> \--R. Queen

Anya wished she killed Hodge the moment she met him.

She had just returned to the Institute with the others, especially now that Alec had been poisoned by the Greater Demon Abbadon, while she was outside the Infirmary tending to her own wounds. That demon had been a challenge, that was for sure, but Anya was cursing herself for letting down her guard, which almost got her killed. In fact, she had to credit Simon for shooting that arrow before the demon could cause any more harm to her.

Still, she shouldn't have gotten careless.

But that was beside the point. After she had bandaged her wounds, making sure they were free of any potential poison, Hodge had called her, Jace, and Clarissa to the library, where her sister began to stupidly rant about the Mortal Cup.

"You have the Mortal Cup?" Hodge had asked, his eyes wide and his hand twitching slightly.

And Clarissa, her stupid, _foolish_ sister, didn't see this and proceeded to show Hodge the Cup, and Hodge looked at it with poorly concealed greed.

Anya had seen enough.

Before anyone could say anything, Anya ripped out one of her knives and threw it Hodge's direction, missing him on purpose but nicking the skin of his cheek. Everyone jumped in surprise, and Hodge looked at her in shock, blood slowly trailing down his cheek from the cut.

"Anya!" Clarissa cried. "What are you doing?!"

Anya ignored her as she glared at Hodge.

Hodge lifted a hand to his cheek, eyes still wide with shock. "Wh...Anya, you could've killed me."

"And I should have done that long ago," she said.

"Anya!" hissed Jace. "What the fuck are you doing?!"

Hodge backed away from her, and so did the other two when they saw the look in Anya's eyes. They were darker now, full of murderous intent and showing the monster within. Then, before anyone could react, Anya was behind Hodge in an instant, seraph blade positioned to his throat and ready to slit the fragile skin in a moment's notice.

"Now," Anya began darkly, "why don't you tell me where Valentine is, traitor?"

"Anya..." Jace began slowly, hands up as if he were approaching a cornered animal. "What are you saying?"

"I had my suspicions," Anya began, "but I wasn't sure until now. You are working for Valentine, aren't you Hodge?"

The entire room went silent again, and Hodge looked at Anya with wide, disbelieving eyes, before he looked away and slumped against her hold.

Anya knew what was coming next.

"Jace Wayland, do you know what you've done?" he asked.

Jace glanced at Anya, lost, but forced himself to speak. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"You look so much like him," Hodge continued, studying Jace closely.

"Like who?!"

"Like your father." Then Hodge turned, and Anya tensed when he then said, "Hugo!"

The raven immediately dove for Anya, forcing her to release Hodge to block the bird's attack. Hodge immediately took that opportunity to escape, and Anya turned to him, ready to stop him, but the damn bird kept going at her, until finally she was forced to grab the bird by the beak and throw him as hard as she could at the wall, successfully knocking him out.

When she turned to face Hodge again, Jace and Clarissa were doing their absolute best to stop him, but it was no use. Hodge had taken the Mortal Cup and immediately fled, and Anya immediately knew he was heading for Valentine. Cursing her sister's stupidity once more, she moved to take off after the bastard, but Jace's hand on her wrist stopped her.

"No!" he hissed. "Stay here! We'll take care of him!"

"This concerns me as much as you Jace," said Anya. "Now let me go, he's getting away."

"You're hurt Anya!" Jace protested. "You can't just expect to take him on with those injuries!"

"I have had worse. Now, let go!" Anya ripped her arm from Jace, hissing in pain, but otherwise continued on after Hodge, and faintly, she heard Jace and Clarissa not too far behind her.

She should've killed that bastard long ago, from the moment she saw him.

But now it was too late, and it was time for the second phase to proceed.

~~~

Hodge Starkweather had always been afraid of Anya, and that wasn't from just recently.

He always thought that Valentine Morgenstern was the very definition of a fallen angel, with his cruel tactics, his manipulative streak, and his inconsiderate actions towards others in what he believed was the greater good.

But all that changed when Ariana Fray stepped into that library.

What struck him first were her eyes. She looked right at him as if looking straight into his soul, so cold and hard that Hodge even wondered if he was looking at another human. At that moment, he realized that he was looking at the true identity of the White Current.

And she knew it.

Anya never attempted to be kind to Hodge during her stay at the Institute, and Hodge had been shocked at the level of indifference she showed towards her mother's situation, and how cruelly she treated her sister. It hadn't been that hard to see despite Anya's cold exterior, as whenever something involved both her and young Clarissa, Anya would never flinch while her sister looked like she was on the verge of breaking down. And even then, Anya wouldn't bother to comfort her twin, glancing at her only once before leaving.

Of course, Hodge was not the kind of man who wanted to get into people's business unless it involved him in some way, but from the way Ariana acted towards her family and to him, Hodge doubted he even wanted to know.

Most of all, Hodge eventually realized that Anya did not trust him.

He supposed he should've seen it coming, as again Anya was not exactly kind to him despite being civil with him and even though he allowed her access to the Institute like he did with the other young Shadowhunters. But then when she threw that knife at him and held that blade to his throat, Hodge realized he had been a fool.

Ariana always knew, and was biding her time to strike.

So fitting that this fallen angel was one of the daughters of Valentine.

Her pale blonde yet red-streaked hair, her cold attitude, and her performance in battle should've given Hodge all the answers he needed.

She was her father's daughter through and through.

Hodge had been desperate to see the Glass City again, and he had been willing to do anything to return to it, even if it meant betraying his young charges by going to Valentine. Still, he didn't want to hurt them, especially Ariana, who Hodge later realized was more than her father's daughter. She may have looked and even acted like him at times, but when they met again, Hodge saw many things that Valentine never showed.

She cared for the people who grew close to her, and put their safety and well-being above her own. He also spotted something sad and broken within her gaze once, one that spoke of something sorrowful that happened to her.

Her eyes were older too, much older than Valentine's, and Hodge had been confused when he saw that. It was as if he was looking at an old soul. A broken old soul.

But he needed to tell her and Jace the truth about their origins. Valentine had manipulated Jace into thinking Anya was his younger sister, when in reality he was the son of Stephen Herondale and his second wife, Céline, and it was clear that Anya did not believe her father, but only allowed it to continue because Jace wouldn't have believed her if she told him anyways.

What a cruel girl, a fitting thing for the White Current.

But Hodge couldn't even tell Jace the truth when Valentine's true son killed him, a boy of demon blood and Ariana's older brother.

Hodge saw the resemblance between them. How regretful and stupid of him. It was the only thing Hodge regretted.

What had Valentine done?

What has he done?

What have they all done?


	25. The Sin of Knowing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you'll never have."  
> \--Soren Kierkegaard

The wind was cold, but Anya wasn't affected. In fact, it kept her grounded as she felt it blow through her hair, sending the loose locks into a gentle frenzy as she overlooked the Glass City and watched her immunity rune glow slightly in response. She could understand why many Shadowhunters loved this city, for she found it beautiful too.

Still, even beautiful things hide dark secrets, and the city of Alicante was no different.

It was, after all, home to the Shadowhunters, and the Clave.

Shadowhunters...

Anya felt irritation come along as she remembered what happened hours before. She knew that Isabelle, Alec, and Jace were leaving for Idris without letting her know, mostly because the latter didn't want her to come with. However, the problems that concerned them concerned her too, and it didn't matter if they took her or not. She already knew the spell needed to get to Idris, and nothing, not even the Shadowhunters of New York City, were going to stop her.

And, somehow, that made Jace angry.

Anya failed to understand why Jace would be angry. Of course, that didn't mean she didn't understand where he was coming from, especially after what happened since Valentine obtained the Mortal Cup and the Angel's Sword. Still, he should have known that Anya was far from helpless, she was given all those nicknames for a reason.

But he didn't.

As soon as he saw her, the shock had been replaced with anger, and Anya calmly retorted to all the arguments he threw at her, glaring at him for thinking that she was weak.

She was not weak.

She was not. It was that simple.

Being weak meant you were open to being killed, to being taken advantage of. And she refused to be weak.

So she left, giving Jace one last glare and final words.

"Thank you for telling me that I've made a mistake after all."

She didn't wait to see if Jace would respond to that, for she left the room and the building altogether, though she did hear Isabelle screaming something at Jace, something angry and bewildered.

She didn't want to know what she said to him.

Still, why?

Why was he so insistent on protecting her? She didn't need protecting. She had been born into this life knowing she would be alone, no matter what she did. After all, an assassin is meant to work alone in the end, to not have bonds, and any kind of bond with those...creatures would make her weak. She refused to bond with those monsters in human flesh, who dared to call themselves living beings.

They didn't have the right to call themselves that, period.

Besides, it wasn't in her nature to have 'those' people in her life, especially not after Tristan. She didn't need anyone, no one but her brother.

Her brother.

As if in response to that thought, Anya heard footsteps behind her, but didn't turn to face whoever was there.

She already knew.

"Hello Sebastian," she greeted, a smile gracing her lips for the first time in hours. "Or...should I say Jonathan?"

A chuckle was heard behind her, and the footsteps moved closer. "I can never sneak up on you, can I?"

Anya turned, seeing black hair and a well-sculpted masculine face. Despite the change in hair color, Anya recognized that face and those eyes anywhere, and she smiled lovingly at him.

"If it makes you feel any better, you definitely have gotten better at stealth. A lot better," she said.

Jonathan smiled, not his cruel, malicious grin, but a genuine, loving smile, the one reserved for his sister and his sister alone. "I'm glad to hear that. It has been very helpful."

Anya nodded. "I'm glad to hear that." She then turned back around, gesturing next to her. "Sit with me?"

Jonathan didn't hesitate to move next to her, slowly sitting down over the edge of the building before going silent. Brother and sister overlooked the Glass City, submerged in a comfortable silence for many minutes as they watched the night pass on, without a care to what was happening below.

When Anya glanced at Jonathan again, she noticed he wasn't smiling anymore.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Jonathan didn't respond at first. "You're troubled, aren't you?" he asked back.

Anya's mouth parted slightly, but she weakly chuckled and turned back to face the city below. "What gave it away?"

"You're easy to read, believe it or not," Jonathan answered, still not looking her way. "I am your older brother after all."

"I know that," Anya said. "Still, what gave it away?"

"Your hands are clenched," he said. "Not to mention you're leaning forward a bit."

Oh damn it.

Anya always clenched her fist whenever she was thinking about something bad, and she always leaned forward if that something happened recently.

Jonathan truly knew her well.

She was silent a moment, but nodded. "Yes," she said. "Something happened earlier, though I think you know what it is. You were there, after all."

Jonathan slowly nodded. "Yes, I was," he said. He turned to look at her now. "That boy, Jace Wayland, right?" Upon Anya's nod, he continued. "He's in love with you."

Anya looked at him, blinking, before shaking her head and chuckling in disbelief. "I thought so for some time now, but why would he love someone like me? I'm his "younger sister", and I go against his moral codes after all."

"I'm not sure either," replied Jonathan, "but it's obvious. He's in love with you despite thinking you're his sister."

Anya didn't answer, but only clasped her hands together and continued to look over Alicante as her hair continued to blow in a rhythm. And now, her eyes stung.

She forced them back.

"He can't be," she said sadly. "He can't be in love with me. I don't want to love anyone else."

Jonathan didn't respond as she continued.

"I don't want to betray Tristan. He was the only one for me, and he's gone. Has been when I was reborn into this world. I can't let myself be happy either, not when I failed him."

Jonathan placed a hand over hers. "It _wasn't_ your fault Anya," he said gently but firmly. "There was nothing you could've done to help him. You were under attack after all, you couldn't have hoped to save him even if you could, not to mention you did not have much time to react before...it happened."

"That's just it though," Anya said, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I just stood there like a deer in headlights, and I allowed it to happen like a fucking idiot!" By now she allowed the tears to escape her eyes, no one was here except for Jonathan. "He's dead because of me."

Suddenly something smacked her upside the head, causing her to squeak in surprise and slight pain. Hands flying to her head, she looked at Jonathan, who was glaring at her with stern eyes.

"Enough Anya," Jonathan ordered. "We've already talked about this, and we've already made a decision: It. Was. Not. Your. Fault. You understand? Again, there was nothing you could've done, and, as much as I hate to say this, it's already been done. Tristan is dead and gone, and you're here, alive in a new body, and surrounded by so many opportunities, not like me."

Anya's eyes widened, and she removed her hands as she stared at her brother with sadness. "Jon?" she called.

Jonathan shook his head before he stood up, smiling down at her. "Just think about it Anya," he said. "For I'm afraid we don't have much time left."

Anya couldn't say a word as Jonathan lay a swift kiss on her head before leaving her alone, his footsteps fading until she could no longer hear them. When that happened, Anya suddenly felt more alone than ever.

But she knew.

She did.

But why?

"Why do this to yourself too Jon?" she asked. "You didn't deserve this. None of it. That I know."

But as Anya continued to look over the city and the night, she knew.

She knew what would come.

And she hated it.

She hated it more than anything, even more than being weak.


	26. Sing Me to Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It's often easier to fight an external enemy than to confront one's inner demons."  
> \--Ram Dass

Anya hated the Silent City.

There was absolutely no doubt in her mind about that. The Silent City always housed the dead, was dank and cold, and was wet. Most of all, she was surrounded by so-called people who thought they were doing what they thought was best, and by that they mean locking up Valentine's oldest daughter instead of his _son_ , and all because she acted too much like him.

What idiocy. Anya wasn't surprised to see that the Shadowhunters had their heads shoved so far up their asses that they refused to look at the smaller details.

Not being able to do so would immediately get one whipped where she was from.

And Anya hated the Silent Brothers. Now, she did treat them with respect, don't get her wrong, but they knew absolutely nothing about her like they so liked to believe. She knew they feared her, and not because she was the White Current. When the Silent Brothers went into her mind, she immediately pushed them out, showing images of torture, death, and destruction, so horrible that the Silent Brothers immediately withdrew.

They refused to look at her. They had every right to be afraid of her.

She was.

And now she had been stuck here for who knew how long. Anya could feel her shoulders threatening to dislocate in their sockets, and clenched her teeth at the pain of it. That Imogen bitch had some pathetic grudge against her, and Anya actually laughed at her when she saw that. She couldn't help it, it was so pathetic that it was hilarious.

Though she supposed she should've kept that in check so she wouldn't be in this uncomfortable position: chained to a wall as if she were some kind of medieval criminal. No surprise really, as this was how many Shadowhunter societies worked.

_"Keep her locked up until she confesses," Imogen ordered, glaring at Anya as if she were looking at a cockroach. "And make sure she behaves herself. Valentine will want his daughter in one piece after all."_

Anya scoffed in amusement again at the memory. That woman was so naive. She may be Valentine's daughter, but clearly she did not know Valentine Morgenstern. He would not care if his daughter was jailed up, being treated like an animal. It wouldn't matter to him, and that little girl in a grown woman's body had been too blind to see that.

There was a reason why people like her would never last long where she was from.

How she would've loved to see that.

Anya then clenched her teeth when she began to smell a smell that she was too familiar with. It was iron, wet iron, and only one thing could smell like that.

_What the hell?_

Opening her eyes, Anya scrunched her face at the sight of the large blood puddle in front of her. That had not been there before, and immediately Anya knew it had to be her imagination, there was no way that puddle could have appeared there immediately.

 _Wake up,_ she ordered. _Wake up!_

The puddle stirred in response to something underneath, and Anya had no control over her eyes at this point, or her body for that matter. She watched as a bloody hand slowly and shakily emerged from the blood, a hand so familiar that Anya could already feel her heart beating faster than normal.

"Oh no..." she wheezed. "Please no..."

_Go away, go away, go away, go away_

Eventually an arm followed the hand, then another hand emerged, grabbing the tiles and using them as leverage to pull themselves out. By now tears were stinging Anya's eyes, and she began to hyperventilate.

 _No, wake up Anya!_ she screamed to herself. _This isn't real, this isn't real, Valentine is toying with you. Wake up!_

Eventually, a head came out of the puddle, groaning in pain and in need of air. Despite being drenched in blood, Anya recognized that hair anywhere, especially when the head lifted up their face.

Freckled cheeks, a mouth that served as a base for a waterfall of blood, and...eyeless sockets.

Anya clenched her eyes shut.

 _You're not real,_ she thought. _You're not real! You're dead! You're dead!_

How dare Valentine torture her like this. How dare that demon torture her like this!

She could not scream. She should not scream. Doing that would make things more painful, and Anya knew that was the last thing she needed.

But she knew what she needed to do.

She must sing.

She must sing until her throat burned, until she could no longer hear those horrible sounds, and until the demon decided it finally had enough and left her be.

She will not let it break her.

She will not let Valentine break her.

No one will see her vulnerable here. Not here, and not today.

So, taking a deep breath, Anya thought back to the song that she had not heard in years, but one that was sung in Bulgarian.

She once worked with a Bulgarian assassin when she had just begun her training, and they taught her how to speak the language. However, this song didn't involve a lot of the language, and rather a lot of humming.

Still, it was a song she was quite fond of.

So, Anya sung.

She sung while angered moans were heard before her from the hallucination. She sung even when she heard the terrified screams of the dying Silent Brothers. And she sung when she felt exhaustion creep over and the sound of an angered hallucination.

It was working. So Anya kept singing.

Until finally, she couldn't anymore, and she blacked out.

~~~

The next time Anya opened her eyes, she first saw the light of a witchlight in the corner of her eyes. She immediately knew who it was as soon as she saw it.

And she was right when she turned to face the individual holding it.

"I see you've met Agramon," was the first thing Valentine said, motioning to the disgusting demon next to him. Anya couldn't help but allow a smirk to form on her face when she saw the angered expression on the demon's face. "And what could possibly be funny Ariana?"

"Look at your demon Father," Anya replied, still smirking. "It should tell you everything you want to know. You do, after all, control it."

Valentine didn't respond at first, though he was looking at her with scrutinizing eyes. "You truly are stronger than I thought Ariana," he then mused, a tinge of pride of his voice. "I should've known."

"I am your daughter after all," said Anya. "The Silent Brothers, I cannot say the same for."

"Ah yes," Valentine looked ahead of him. "They easily succumbed to Agramon's power, but you didn't. I thought I would have to save you when you would begin to die from fear, but I didn't."

Anya chuckled bitterly. "Doing this to your own child," she mused back. "You really are one fucked up human being, are you Father?"

"I have done no such thing," said Valentine. "You are my daughter, my flesh and blood, after all."

Anya stared at her father a moment, before she proceeded to chuckle again, more bitterly than the last. "Yes, I am your daughter," she began. "That makes me as much of a liar as you are."

Valentine didn't answer that, but instead immediately left with Agramon by his side, their conversation finished. Anya listened to him go until she could no longer hear his or Agramon's footfalls, leaving her alone in silence once more.

Only this silence was deeper than the last one.

Anya groaned at the feeling in her back thanks to how her hands were chained up, but shrugged it off. She had faced much worse than this, though she had to admit the sound of the chains moving was better than the literal dead silence around her.

She then looked ahead of her, finding no blood puddle or the emerging eyeless man. She stared at the empty spot a moment, finally allowing the tears to silently slip past her exhausted and emotionless eyes.

It felt so real...

How dare Agramon use his memory against her.

How dare Valentine use his memory against her.

And Anya could hear the hallucination's final words to her as she sang.

"I...hate...you...Valkyrie..."

"I'm sorry..." she whispered, not having the energy to sob. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you. Please...please don't hate me..."

She hated being alone, especially in a place like this. For a moment she wished the hallucination would come back, give her company from the tomb of the Shadowhunters before her and the now dead Silent Brothers.

But she knew that would not be.

She had always been alone after all.

She always had been, and always will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song inspired by Ivan Torrent's Khae Momme.


	27. Hell's Gate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Long is the way and hard, that out of hell leads up to the light."  
> \--John Milton

Anya felt his eyes on her, and they had been on her for some time now. Of course, she understood the feelings behind that look despite not looking at him. It would have to take a complete idiot to not notice that.

And she was far from an idiot.

Still, she could not look at him, not because she couldn't, but because she wasn't sure if she could handle the expression he would have on his face at the sight of her looking at him. Of course, Anya knew it probably wasn't going to matter, as the changing lights of the club Jonathan wanted to visit for business concealed much of her appearance, including the rune on her chest. She was wearing a modest dress with her hair loose and a ribbon tied in the back, but if one looked closely enough, the rune would be spotted.

Somehow that seemed to always be on Jace's mind ever since he allowed himself to be taken captive with Clarissa by Jonathan. Even though Jonathan had no use for Jace, he understood his importance to Anya, and allowed him to stay on the account that he doesn't get in his way.

Jace had agreed to those terms wholeheartedly.

Anya hated how he had to get involved in all this, but supposed she should've expected it. Clarissa did the same thing before she even existed, the only thing she had to admire about her foolish sister, and Jace was a boy...no, a man who would do anything for those he loves, especially Anya.

She knew that he hated this as much as she did.

And now, they were next to each other while Jonathan conducted business with whoever was at the bar, leaving his sister and Jace alone.

She felt someone tapping her on the shoulder, and she turned to look into Jace's face. Unlike his usual easy-going and cocky expression, his face was filled with pain and confliction, things Anya never thought she would see on Jace of all people.

But that expression had been on his face for months now leading up to this.

"Anya," he began, taking a moment to take a deep breath, "can we talk? Alone?"

Anya glanced around the bar at the people, who were paying them no mind, and Jonathan was nowhere in sight, so she looked back at Jace.

She nodded. "Of course."

Jace reached to take her hand, but hesitated, so Anya took it herself. He flinched, but didn't pull away, instead weaving his fingers through her own.

It was so warm, Anya thought as Jace led her into one of the private booths of the bar.

Closing the curtain behind them, Anya watched Jace's every move, especially when he turned back to face her. For several moments, they just stared at each other, not saying a word, then Jace stepped close to her.

Anya didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around him, inhaling the comforting scents his clothes gave off. She almost wanted to laugh at how pathetic she was.

Months ago, she would've been repulsed at the thought of even touching Jace Herondale, but now...now she couldn't get enough of it.

Jace immediately wrapped his arms around her too, hugging her tightly but not enough to suffocate her. He held her as if she were a porcelain doll, a being that would immediately fade from his embrace if he let go.

And she had, once, when Valentine forced that blade through her body.

Anya had been stabbed, whipped, beaten, and raped, so she was no stranger to pain, but she had never been...aware that she had been impaled. She knew she died a horrible way in her past life, but she had not been aware of the pain as Tristan's brutal death continued to replay itself in her mind like a broken record, wiping her of any sanity she had in that life. More than once, she wondered how she even regained most of it upon being reborn as Ariana Morgenstern, but supposed it had been her punishment for failing Tristan by forcing her to live once again in a cruel world.

But when she died that second time, there was no Tristan, no massacre going on around her, only...agonizing pain she couldn't describe the feeling of for the life of her. Clarissa had been there, watching everything play out in horror and shock that Anya, her cold, old-soul sister of all people, had lost.

And Jace...

He saw it all happen, unable to react when Valentine mortally wounded her. And he...had held her, begged her to stay with him, to hang on, to not leave him.

Back then, Anya couldn't respond to him, so she couldn't stare at him in disbelief that he would want her to live, that he was crying over her, but she felt his tears landing on her face, felt his body shaking as he held her close to him.

She had even heard his screams even after she closed her eyes.

Now, as Anya buried her face into Jace's shirt, all while he buried his face into her hair, she almost wanted to laugh at herself, but didn't dare to, as there was nothing to laugh at.

She knew as soon as she had been brought back to life, when Jace embraced her as if he were a drowning man and she the lifeline, sobbing with pure joy that she came back to him into her shoulder, that she had been wrong about Jace Herondale.

He truly was a better living being than she could ever hope to be.

She also realized at that moment that she loved him, and all after she denied it and pushed it away for so many months.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Jace pulled his head up, but didn't release her. "For what?"

"For putting you through all this," Anya pulled away from Jace a little, but still remained in his arms. "I didn't want this for you."

Jace stared down at her, his expression betraying nothing. Then, slowly, he smiled, and it was a smile that shocked Anya every time she saw it, and made her love Jace even more.

It was so different from his cocky, fake smiles. This smile, so full of love and care, was genuine, and it was so, so beautiful.

She could understand why Clarissa would fall in love with him.

Anyone would kill to be on the receiving end of those eyes, eyes that would cry for you and with you, who would happily show you their vulnerabilities and flaws, who would worship your own flaws as if they were God's creation, and who would treat you like you were the most precious item the world had to offer.

Once more, Anya never thought she would be on the receiving end of those golden eyes, not like Tristan had once done.

Jace then pulled her back to his chest, and Anya didn't attempt to pull away. "Anya," he began, voice soft, "haven't I told you? I would gladly suffer for you if it meant it could ease your own pain. You know that."

And she did. God damn it she did.

But that didn't make the words hurt any less.

Not just because of how much pain Jace had gone through of course, but because she couldn't remember when Tristan said those words to her. She knew he would gladly suffer for her if he had to, but he would never say the words outright.

Then, here was Jace, saying those words, without any hesitation in his posture or voice and with the knowledge of what she had done in her past life and this one. He knew that she was far from an angel, far from a good person, who had hurt and been hurt so much, and yet, he chose to love her anyway in spite of that.

And he was holding her in his arms in a way Tristan never could.

She hated that she was admitting that, but she couldn't help it.

There was no denying it anymore.

Still...

"Do you remember?" she asked. "When Valentine killed me?"

Jace didn't answer.

"I never thought that you of all people would be bothered that I was fighting him. You knew that I could look after myself, and I thought so too, but I underestimated him and he used that against me. I never...I never thought that would impact you so much when I heard your voice."

Jace still didn't answer.

"You understand what is coming though, right?" Anya asked, her voice still quiet. "I have to follow Jonathan with his mission, you see?" She pulled away again and pointed to her chest, right at the rune controlling her. "After all, it is the reason why I left the Institute."

Jace nodded. "I know."

"I didn't want you following me Jace. There would be nothing good awaiting you if you did come after me. I expected Clarissa to do something stupid, but not you."

"I'm your idiot though." Jace said that without any hesitation, and Anya stared at him in bewilderment.

"You really are. The biggest idiot known to man."

"And one who would gladly go through Hell and back for you."

Anya couldn't keep the sad smile from appearing on her face. "I know, and I hate it."

Jace didn't answer to that, and instead just leaned in to kiss her. Anya didn't hesitate to kiss back, knowing it would be foolish to resist. They might never get to do this again, and Anya was not looking forward to that.

Jonathan's plans were close to Hell coming to Earth, and she was trying to prepare herself for that, especially since he was planning on hurting Lucian in a way that no blade could ever make.

She only prayed that _she_ would have it in herself to forgive her for not stopping him. Anya loved her brother, and she loved Amatis, the mother she never had, but Jonathan had no love for humanity except for his sister, and Amatis loved life too much.

Anya was scared, for the first time in years. She was scared out of her mind, and Jace knew it.

A war was coming, and this would be one of the only moments of peace they could get.

Jonathan couldn't change that. No one could. Anya wouldn't let them.


	28. Go On and On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I’m with you  
> \--Roy Croft

She bit her lip, fingering the ring around her finger while Isabelle helped her into her dress.

Her parabatai smiled at her through the mirror. “You nervous?” she asked.

Anya glared at her. “N-No,” she said. “Why do you say that?”

Isabelle chuckled. “Come on Anya, do you think I wouldn’t know my own parabatai to know when she’s feeling nervous over something like her big day?”

Anya blushed, looking away. “Damn your observance.”

“But you love me for it.”

Yup, god damn you Isabelle Lightwood.

“But still, you shouldn’t be nervous. I mean, you’ve been looking forward to this for months, remember? And besides, this is a small event, you and Jace made that very clear when you announced this to everyone.”

“I know,” said Anya. “But still…”

Isabelle paused, looking at Anya hard. “Are you having second thoughts?”

“N-No!” Anya yelled.

Isabelle laughed again. “Didn’t think so. Well, make sure you put a smile on that face of yours. You look like a zombie bride.”

Anya couldn’t stop the small snort that escaped from her, or a small smile to appear on her lips. She looked down at her ring finger, a finger that was currently void of any ring, but that would change soon, and she could only imagine what the ring would look on her finger once it was given to her.

And as Anya looked at herself in the mirror, she thought back.

_“Jace?” called Anya. “I’m here now, where are you?”_

_She got no response, causing Anya to raise an eyebrow. “Jace, if you’re pulling a joke on me, I’ll have you know that I do not find it funny.”_

_Still no response._

_Sighing in irritation, Anya moved further into the Institute’s garden, confused and concerned. Earlier, she had gotten a call from Jace, who sounded very nervous on the phone, asking her to meet him in the garden, saying he had “something to show her”. Confused and suspicious all at once, Anya had agreed, and now she was here, and Jace was nowhere to be seen._

_“Jace?” she called out again. “Is everything okay? Where are you?”_

_Just then she heard footsteps._

_Whipping out her seraph blade, Anya spun around, then froze, the blade barely stopping from coming in contact with the person’s neck. The male before her didn’t even flinch._

_Anya lowered her blade. “Fucking hell, Jace. I could’ve killed you!” she exclaimed, sheathing the blade._

_Jace chuckled, a nervous tone to it. “Sorry Anya,” he replied quietly, his fingers twitching slightly._

_Anya blinked at him. “You wanted to show me something,” she said. “Is everything okay?”_

_“Huh? Oh, yeah, everything’s okay, I just…” Jace trailed off, looking nervously away from her._

_Now Anya was more concerned. “Jace,” she began, “what’s going on?”_

_Jace said nothing a moment, but then motioned for Anya to follow him. Still confused and growing more and more concerned, Anya complied, and he eventually led her to the lake, which was sparkling under the light of the full moon and stars. It was beautiful, especially with the flowers surrounding the garden._

_Jace then turned to her, smiling nervously. “What do you think?” he asked._

_Anya blinked again. “It’s beautiful,” she said. “As always at nighttime. But…” She turned to him again. “This isn’t what you wanted to really show me, is it?”_

_Jace chuckled nervously. “Um…”_

_“Jace, please, tell me what’s wrong, you’re scaring me here,” pleaded Anya. Jace looked at her in surprise at that, then looked away guiltily before taking a deep breath, probably the deepest he had ever taken from the looks of it._

_Anya watched his every move, biting her lip in worry._

_Then Jace looked at her evenly. “You’re right,” he admitted. “That’s not the only reason I asked you to come here.”_

_Anya remained silent, patiently waiting for him to continue._

_Jace took several more deep breaths, then he moved forward and gingerly took Anya’s hands into his, holding them like they were the most precious gems in the world. Anya continued watching him, confused._

_“Ariana Morgenstern,” he began, voice dead serious. “I have an important question to ask you, and all I need is a yes or no, okay?”_

_Anya nodded, looking at him with wide eyes._

_“During all the time I got to know you, you were unlike any girl I had ever been with, unlike the women in my own life. You were strong, intelligent, cunning, a legend, a beauty with no parallel, that I couldn’t help but be entranced from day one, despite how I disagreed with you a lot of the time we were getting to know each other.”_

_Anya inhaled sharply, mouth parting slightly._

_“Every day that passed, I found myself falling more and more in love with you, and everything you did made me love you even more. Having you in my life was an amazing adventure, and I don’t want that to end, not even in death, especially when I nearly lost you.”_

_Jace took another deep breath, and spoke again. “Ariana Morgenstern,” he began, going down to one knee, but still keeping her hands in his hold, “will you marry me?”_

_Anya inhaled sharply, staring at Jace with wide eyes. She could’ve sworn her heart stopped too, but it was a wonderful feeling, even the burning in her eyes. A large smile began to appear on her face, growing and growing, while a joyous laugh began to erupt from her throat and tears streamed down her cheeks. She ducked her head, unable to stop laughing or crying or smiling._

_Jace watched her, patiently awaiting her answer._

_Anya inhaled sharply, then pounced on Jace, causing them both to fall into the water’s lake with a loud “splash”. They emerged with joyous laughter, their arms wrapped around each other, kissing passionately like tomorrow didn’t exist._

_When they paused for breath, Jace touched his nose with Anya’s. “Is that a yes?” he whispered._

_Anya sobbed again, and nodded vigorously. “Yes, yes, yes, yes!” she chanted over and over, taking Jace into the water again, where they proceeded to dance in the water once more, their breathing aided by her underwater rune._

Anya smiled as she held onto the Morgenstern ring, a ring that would no longer be hers shortly.

Eventually, Isabelle was done helping her, and she looked at her through the mirror. “Now you look like the goddess of the aisle,” she mused cheekily. “No one will be able to take their eyes off you when you come into their sights now.”

Anya looked at herself in the mirror once more, and almost thought she was looking at another woman altogether. She was wearing a long golden dress with a ribbon sash that fell directly to her hips, long gold gloves, and shining golden slippers. Her hair was done up in an elegant braid-like bun that showed off the red tips and was adorned with pink camellias, her favorite flowers. Her cheeks possessed a slight blush, and her skin sparkled with the faint glitter lotion Isabelle applied, but other than that, she wasn’t wearing any makeup.

Was this really happening?

Isabelle smiled at her, turning her around to face her. “You got this,” she reassured. “I won’t let you fall. I promise.”

“I know,” Anya whispered warmly. “It’s just...I can’t believe this is actually happening.”

Isabelle nodded. “You never imagined this for yourself, did you?” she asked.

Anya shook her head.

Isabelle then surprised Anya by embracing her. “You deserve all the happiness in the world Anya,” she said, voice low but warm. “I can’t think of anyone else who deserves this more than you and Jace.”

Anya smiled. “Even if this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up,” she said.

Isabelle grinned. “You better hope not then. It’s only just beginning.”

~~~

Weddings for Shadowhunters, and all celebrations in general, usually took place in the Accords Hall, but after everything that happened, everyone thought a change in scenery would be best, regardless of the Clave’s disapproval.

And Jace certainly did not want this event to happen there of all places. That place contained too many bad memories.

If the Clave complained too, they could kiss his ass. Nothing was going to change his decision, and after everything they put them through, the least they could do was allow them to have freedom to do this wherever they wished.

Right now, he was being helped into his attire for today by Magnus and Alec, clutching onto his family ring all the while. In a few minutes, this ring would no longer belong to him, would not go on his finger. He smiled at that.

“Finished,” announced Magnus, stepping away from Jace. “Now you really look like you’re getting married, though you, being the prude you are, wanted to stay with your race’s traditions.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that Magnus,” announced Alec, smiling. “Besides, this is Jace’s wedding.”

“I know that!” said Magnus, pouting.

Jace looked at himself in the mirror, seeing that he was dressed in the traditional attire for Shadowhunter weddings: black ceremonial gear marked with gold runes, with his hair gelled and combed back. It was strange, but Jace didn’t want it any other way.

It was happening. It was finally happening.

This better not be a dream.

“Well, are you ready Jace?” asked Alec.

“You’re not nervous are you?” asked Magnus, a teasing eyebrow raised.

Jace wanted to punch him in the face. “I’m not,” he denied, despite his twitching hand behind his back. “Why would I be?”

“No reason,” said Magnus, looking away innocently. “Well, it’s almost time, so you should get ready to head out there. This is your big day after all.”

Jace smiled, fingering his ring again. “I know, and I can’t wait.”

“I have no doubt.”

Alec smiled at him. “Can’t believe it’s happening. Feels like it was only yesterday when you announced this to everyone.”

Jace nodded. “I know, I still can’t believe it’s happening right now. It’s almost...unnatural.”

“Everything’s unnatural in the unseen world,” Magnus remarked. “Now, get yourself ready. You’re going to be heading out there to meet her in a few minutes, and you have to look your best for her, you know.”

“If not for the fact that I’m wearing garments that are hard to clean, I would gladly murder you right here and now, warlock.”

“Good luck lover boy,” teased Magnus. “After all, you’re going to need it for tonight.”

The warlock was still laughing even as Jace threw a comb at him, causing it to hit the wall where he used to be.

~~~

The area around the Institute’s garden was not too big, not too small, and both the soon-to-be newlyweds and the guests themselves couldn’t have asked for anything more. Each one of them was dressed in their finest, talked amongst each other in lively tones, and patiently waited for the groom and bride to make themselves known.

The guests were also either Shadowhunters, werewolves, and even fae that either Jace and/or Anya knew personally. Normally this would create disgust and discomfort for all parties involved, but no one gave it a second thought.

Jace thought it best that only their closest friends and family members attended. After all, neither he or Anya were fond of big weddings, and he couldn’t understand why some people wanted to make their marriages known to everyone, even strangers.

The wedding guests silenced when they saw him approaching the front of the reception, and he grasped onto his family ring tighter. They were all smiling at him, supportive and caring, and Jace found himself smiling back, genuine and thankful, even when he finally approached the front.

Alec and Maryse gently patted him on the back before they joined everyone else. “You got this,” Maryse whispered to him, voice supportive despite it being low.

“Thanks Maryse,” Jace whispered back, watching as his foster mother and parabatai sat down, waiting for the presenter of the steles and the bride to arrive next.

They didn’t wait long.

Dressed in a bright gold dress, Maia Roberts stepped forward, holding a pillow that contained the steles going to be used. She had a bright smile on her face as she walked towards Jace, briefly glancing back at the person coming up behind her, her smile widening in response.

As soon as they heard those footsteps, Jace looked up, and thought his breath had been taken away the moment he locked eyes with his bride.

Wearing a golden dress, long hair tied in an elegant bun that contained pink flowers, skin sparkling faintly under the moonlit night, and carrying a bouquet of the matching flowers, was Anya. She walked beside Isabelle, her parabatai and suggenes for today’s event. Back while they were planning the wedding, Anya insisted that Isabelle be her suggenes, as she was one of her most important people. Jace knew that she wanted her brother to be her suggenes, but that wasn’t possible anymore, and they all knew it. Of course, Isabelle had agreed right away, wanting to further fill in the void that Sebastian left behind for today.

And by the Angel, Jace knew Anya was beautiful, and would be beautiful when she came out, but...he never expected this, and he couldn’t help but stare.

Everyone was also staring, some for the same reason, others for a totally different one. But it was clear that Anya was not paying any attention to anyone, anyone; that is, except for Jace.

A lovely smile adorned her face, her cheeks pink as she came closer, and she kept her eyes on him even as she reached his side, Isabelle handing her off to him before she joined her mother and brother, still smiling big. Jace turned to Anya, smiling lovingly at her as she grasped his hand.

This is it.

This was really happening.

Jace didn’t want to wake up if this was a dream.

Facing each other, Magnus stepped forward, holding two familiar steles, and it took Jace a moment to recognize them as his and Anya’s respectively.

They nodded, and then opened their other hands to each other, presenting their rings.

Jace eyed the Morgenstern ring, while Anya eyed the Herondale ring, each inhaling deeply. Then, without wasting another moment, Jace placed his ring on Anya’s ring finger, and Anya then placed her family’s ring on his.

They fit perfectly. Jace couldn’t keep the loving smile from his face. Despite all the pain that the Morgenstern name caused him, had caused Anya, she was still willing to present herself like this to him, and give every little thing she had to him, and he for her.

“It is time,” began the Silent Brother in front of them, whose name Jace didn’t bother to remember, “for Jonathan Herondale and Ariana Morgenstern to mark each other with the wedded union rune: a rune on the hand, a rune on the heart, a union is born.”

The Silent Brother said this while pointing to the glowing crystal in front of them, which showed them the wedded union symbol they were to mark each other with. Without any hesitation, Anya took a stele from the pillow Maia offered, had it touch the crystal before it came away glowing, and held up Jace’s hand.

Jace watched her every move as she carefully and elegantly wrote the mark on his hand. It glowed a pure white color, and Jace watched as it glowed against his skin, and Anya moved closer to him, placing the rune over his heart.

She began to chant. “Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death.” She pulled away, the runes shining against him before dulling. She then took his hand.

Jace smiled lovingly at her, taking his own stele, placing it upon the crystal, and carefully marking the same rune on her hand and heart. Just like with his, it glowed white before it faded to black on her skin. He repeated her chant, “Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death.”

Setting down the stele, he took both of her hands in his, and spoke. “The love I have for you is a love that knows no bounds, in times of joy as well as sadness…”

“In sickness and in health,” continued Anya.

“I will love you as my equal and protect you above all else,” said Jace.

“I will share with you my truest feelings, and when you speak I will listen,” said Anya.

“I will catch you when you fall, and when you soar I will help you reach your greatest heights.”

“Jonathan Christopher Herondale,” began Anya. “I am, and always will be, your beloved wife."

“And Ariana Emelie Morgenstern, I am, and always will be, your beloved husband.”

A moment of silence went on by, then the Silent Brother spoke. “It is now my honor to pronounce you as one.”

They eyed each other for a moment, then both Jace and Anya placed their lips on the other’s, a kiss that sealed them as husband and wife.

Jace didn’t want to let go, and from how tightly she was grasping his hands, Anya didn’t want to let go either. They barely heard the sound of their cheering friends and family, even when they pulled away from each other, their noses touching.

“Is this really happening?” Anya whispered.

Jace smiled. “You tell me,” he whispered back. “Welcome, Anya, to a beautiful, never-ending dream.”

Anya smiled back at him, her gem-like eyes filling with tears, before they turned to their audience.

They were all clapping, cheering, and even crying, and the newlyweds smiled at everyone, walking down the aisle towards them. Then, Anya took many deep breaths, and everyone went silent as violins started to play.

Then she began to sing, humming along to the song, and at that point everyone began to dance, with Jace gently leading her along as she continued to sing.

_Oh_

_There’s an old familiar silence_

_When I’m lost inside my heart_ _  
_

_I can’t hear the voice inside me_

_So I look up to the stars_

A beat was playing around them, and Anya’s beautiful voice matched the notes of the violin in every way, and even when Jace spun her around on the ground or in the air, she continued to sing without a flaw.

_Oh_

_There is darkness ever waiting_

_I can feel it in the air_

_So I call upon my angels_

_Are you still there?_

She paused to let the violin play and Jace to dip her before she went back to singing.

_When the wind bends the branch to softly touch me_

_When the band plays your song_

_I feel strong enough to keep dreaming_

_Even when I’m all alone our love goes on and on._

They began to dance with more ferocity at this point, and everyone joined their pace, clearly having the time of their lives, and Jace spotted Isabelle and Simon dancing together, laughing and cheering, Alec and Magnus dancing together with big smiles on their faces, and other people dancing, but Jace could only pay attention to Anya, feeling how perfect she was in his arms, how her smile lit up the room, and how her laughter sounded like bells in his ears.

Then, she continued to sing.

_Oh_

_When the wind bends the branch to softly touch me_

_When the band plays your song_

_I feel strong enough to keep dreaming_

_Even when I’m all alone our love goes on and on._

The violin and beat stopped, and only cheering, laughter, and overall happiness was heard, but no one stopped for anything, even as the night went on.

“Encore! Encore!” cheered the crowd, even while Jace and Anya continued dancing.

They both rolled their eyes at this, but ultimately gave them what they wanted, and Anya sung with a happiness that probably no one had heard from her when they heard her sing.

Eventually, many minutes passed before everyone was satisfied, and Anya looked at Jace again.

“This really is happening,” she said. “I was worried that it was a dream.”

“Me too,” Jace responded, smiling at her. “Even I can’t believe that this is really happening.”

“If only Jon was here to see this.” Anya said that with a sad smile, an expression of longing appearing in her eyes.

“Hey now,” Jace whispered, gently caressing her cheek. “Don’t cry. Tears really don’t suit you, you know.”

Anya inhaled shakily. “I know,” she whispered again. “It’s just...I wish he was here. I really wish he was.”

“I know,” said Jace, pulling her towards his chest. “I know.”

They continued dancing, this time at a slower pace, and Jace rested his chin on Anya’s head, slowly inhaling the perfume of the flowers adorned in her bun while Anya buried her face into his suit. Everyone else was enjoying the party, blissfully unaware of the newlyweds’ conversation, but neither one minded. It would be easier to deal with if no one questioned them.

Jace also took that time to look around that their guests. He was easily able to spot Isabelle, Simon, Alec, Magnus, Maryse, Robert, and all the friends they had made throughout their journey having the time of their lives together. However, he did not spot Anya’s family anywhere, not even Luke.

He didn’t comment though. Anya had made it perfectly clear that her mother, sister, and stepfather were not going to be invited, and Jace expected that. After all, her family members were not the best people, and they were a few of the people that Anya hated more than anything, and after all the pain they caused her and Sebastian, Anya would never forgive them, especially for what they did to her brother.

Jace understood perfectly. After all, while Robert and Maryse were not the best people, they were far better parents to their children than Anya’s mother, who neglected her daughter simply for her appearance to her father, and if it weren’t for the fact that Anya was a reincarnated person with memories of her past life (and a dark and tragic one at that), Jace would’ve blamed Jocelyn for everything Anya went through.

He still does, to be honest, but while she wasn’t responsible for what happened to Anya in her past life, Jocelyn still was a horrible mother to her oldest daughter and only son. And for that, Anya would never forgive her or acknowledge her as her mother.

After all, that position had easily been filled in by Amatis Graymark, Luke’s sister, but now she was gone, and would never be here to see Anya, her daughter figure, get married or likely start a family.

And Jace hated that, probably more than Anya did.

“Jace?” questioned Anya. “Are you okay?”

Jace snapped out of it, smiling into Anya’s hair. “I’m fine,” he whispered. “So, are you ready?”

Anya blinked at him. “For what?”

“For the future.”

Anya’s brow shot up in surprise, and she looked up at Jace, her blue and green eyes sparkling in the moonlight above them. Her hair also glowed in the light, glowing an almost unearthly white with the red stripes through it.

Jace knew long ago why the vampires would dub Anya the Princess of the Night while the werewolves the Moon’s Wraith. She really did look like a goddess of the night, or perhaps even the moon.

And now, he couldn’t believe that this beautiful goddess was his.

Anya smiled at him, a shaky one, but a genuine smile. “Yes,” she said. “I can’t say that I’m worried about what it will bring, but I’m willing to take it on, and by your side. We did promise each other that, remember?”

Jace smiled at her, leaning in for another kiss. “How could I not? I have not been known to break promises.”

Anya smiled back, allowing her husband to place his lips on hers, a kiss that was genuine, loving, and spoke of promises and safety. “Neither do I.”

_The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Love Goes On and On by Lindsey Stirling and Amy Lee of Evanescence
> 
> Fun fact: Anya’s favorite flower is the pink camellia, which is a flower that also means “longing for you”, and which I thought matched Anya’s plight throughout the story perfectly.
> 
> Also, Merry Christmas everyone and have a happy New Year!


	29. Author's Note

**Alright everyone, I’m going to end** **_City of Sorrow_ ** **here, mostly because I can’t really think of anything else to write with this. Now, I know you guys may be thinking, “why haven’t I made this into an actual series?” Well, the reason is because whenever I try writing a story based from the books themselves, I always feel like I’m plagiarizing and, as a result, will always be disappointed no matter what way I approach it. However, if you guys wish to take it up for yourselves, make sure to let me know, as I sure would love to read that series with Anya and a slow burn romance developing between her and Jace.**

**Anyway, hope you guys had fun reading this, and I hope you have a good rest of your day!**

**~~~37054ljH**

**Author's Note:**

> Anya looks like this, but imagine her hair with red streaks and her eyes blue and green-hued.  
> https://static8.depositphotos.com/1378245/892/i/950/depositphotos_8928363-stock-photo-beautiful-blonde-girl-with-long.jpg


End file.
